A Parent's Guide to Listening to What is Unsaid

     The winter months are tough on most of us ~ long, dark days, high winds that keep us indoors more than we wish, the weight of the world, and the ongoing needs of our families.  The winter months can seem long and gloomy sometimes ~ even in Colorado.  Here are a few ideas that can help us Care for Our beleaguered Selves and bring more Love and Light to our Children. 💕💕💕


1.  Let's start with the Well-Being of moms.  

     Our bodies are screaming for healthy nurturance and we may be ignoring their strong announcement.  When women were surveyed by Women's Wellness, asking how they felt about the state of their health, the results were kind of shocking. Only 2% said they felt great about their health.  What unspoken message is your body trying to tell you?  Moms used these phrases to describe what their bodies were telling them:

My hormones are out of whack.

I feel bloated; I'm tired of digestive struggles.

My emotions feel all over the place.

I don't feel rested when I wake up.  

My skin looks dull, I have bags under my eyes.

I don't have enough energy to get through the day.

     Moms are people with needs too.  As women, we may be amazing at looking out for other people.  We are nurturers; caregivers.  But sometimes, we're so busy taking care of all the details, and those around us, that we forget to love on ourselves.  Listening to our bodies helps us make the necessary changes in our lives to care for ourselves and become more emotionally-grounded and present for our children.

     2.  What is saving your life right now?  

     ModernMrsDarcy.com shares:  I know I'm not alone in my winter struggles.  It's never an easy time of year.  I'm always tired, and missing the daylight, and dealing with a house where someone has the flu.  To beat back the gloom, I'm focusing in on the things ~ big or small ~ that are saving me right now.  Most of us know what's killing us, and can articulate it, if asked.  But few of us pay attention to what's giving us life, what continues to fill our cups so we can be our best with our children.

     I didn't realize how often the same strategies and small graces have helped me survive the winter season over the years:  getting outside for exercise and fresh air, drinking buckets of hot tea, enjoying the occasional sunny days, buying fresh flowers...  When I think about what's saving my life this winter, my mind is readily drawn to the foundational things:  eating well, walking the dog, going to bed on time, spending time with good books.  Lately I've been turning to jigsaw puzzles not just because they are fun, but because they're helping me think, even on days when that feels difficult, or the problems at hand feels intractable.  I begin the morning with a dose of therapy from my light box to address seasonal affective disorder.  I end my days with some flickering candles or a wood fire.  I'm also trying to take the long view of things ~ it helps by showing me that every year I get walloped by winter sickness, and every year spring comes again and we get over it.  

     Take a moment to ponder "what is saving my life right now?"  Make sure you weave these simple, healthy things throughout each day and evening.  

     If being with dear friends gives you positive energy to get through the winter, host a
"dirty house party" and invite everyone to bring some of their leftovers to share.  Do not vacuum up the dog hair, hide the piles of papers, or clean the bathroom before everyone arrives.  Savor true friends who love you, and your less-than-perfect mess, for who you are.  

                           

3.  Trade parental busyness for spoken and unspoken gestures of love for your children.

     Have we become so busy that we have forgotten to pay attention to what gives life meaning and joy?  According to Maggie Dent, if 'hurry' is problematic in your life and you have a to-do list that is beyond reality ~ there may be something deeper that needs addressing.  When we hurry to fit everything in, maybe our expectations for ourselves, our partners and our precious children is too high and too unrealistic.  (This is where the crabby, shouty person is triggered!)  Listen underneath your anxiety and grouchiness to see if saying 'no'  to some of life's demands would help lower your stress level.  Make a list of things you can stop doing ~ and things you can do less often.

     Dent also recommends several easy ways to slow down and create more meaning for your family through rituals and routines:  

   

     💗  A few minutes before your child's bedtime, step outside to say goodnight to the stars and moon.

     💗  Create a "go slow PJ weekend morning" routine.

     💗  Drink your first morning beverage slowly ~ savoring the taste, temperature and smell.  

     💗  Start and end each day noticing three things you're grateful for.  

     💗  Make micro-moments of CONNECTION by building a "love bridge" between yourself and your child as you help them reflect on their day:  

                                  

    

      Here are some precious everyday gestures which show love to your children (instead of just driving them around from one appointment to another):

     💕  When saying goodbye to your child each morning, kiss their hand and tell them to hold onto that love all day.

     💕  Have your child capture a kiss from everyone in the family, including the dog, and store it in a jar in their room.  Refresh it as often as needed.

     💕  Touch your child tenderly every time you walk by them.  Tousle their hair, squeeze their shoulder, hip bump or high five them.  Wink at them when you see them.  Nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal expressions of love.

     💕  Put funny photos or love messages on the mirror in the bathroom your child uses.

     💕  Use bedtime to remind your child how much they are loved.  Cuddle up for a story, give them a hug, or repeat your favorite "I love you to the moon and back" saying.  

      💕  If you had to reprimand your child before bedtime and everyone is feeling lousy, wait until five minutes after your child has gone to bed and perform a "surprise bedroom attack."  Leap from the doorway, gently tackle them and surprise them with a tickle, tummy fart, or quick wrestle.  This lets them know you love them no matter what.

     Dr. Laura Markham (ahaparenting.com) reminds us that children become resilient, not when they are loved, but when they feel loved.  Use rituals, routines, gestures, and nonverbal communication to express your profound love for your child.  They will listen deeply to what is unsaid.  

                                                 

     This week, students at NES are mindfully noticing the nonverbal communication of others ~ facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and volume of speech.  They are learning to read beneath the words of others to uncover the feelings that are often unspoken.  If we parents listen to our bodies, pay attention to what is saving our lives during these cold, winter days, and slow down to focus on what gives meaning to our lives, we will have sent a nonverbal message of love and resilience deep into our child's psyche.