Making the Most of Family Togetherness over Winter Break.

          The younger kids (K-1) have been learning to identify their emotions by listening to the messages their bodies are  sending them and observing the facial expressions of others.  Developing self-awareness is crucial before we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and respond compassionately to them.  Ask your child where in their body they feel an emotion when they are frustrated, disappointed, excited, or scared.   A converted game of Candy Land taught students skills of emotional self-regulation while practicing wise Wizard brain responses this week.  Please contact me at an@teensinc.org if you would like a copy to play over the winter break. 

     The older students in 2^nd -5^th grade have been developing collective “Acts of Kindness.  Ms. Ness’ class is doing chores for family members, or perhaps serving them breakfast in bed.  Ms. Lee’s class is performing jokes for the preschoolers.  Ms. Albright’s class is showing gratitude to their teachers and celebrating with a party.  Ms. Vosteen’s class decorated the school with positive and inspirational messages.  Ms. Beauvineau’s class is expressing gratitude to kitchen staff/office workers/custodians/ and community members.  Ms. Theodorakos’ class is serving as reading buddies for the first grade.  Ms. Forrest’s class is decorating the cafeteria into a winter wonderland.   The excitement of creating and planning an activity that benefits others filled the school.  Helping children learn the joy of giving is a powerful lesson in empathy.  Kindness is infectious.  Compassion is contagious.  See if your children can continue to find ways to “give of themselves” over the break. 

     As we enter winter break, kids (and adults) may suddenly be left with either tons of unstructured time or overstimulating environments.  Many children begin to melt down and act out.  Here are some suggestions that may ease your family through the festivities and long days:

1.        Encourage your children to breathe slowly and deeply when they are feeling overwhelmed.  Take 5 minutes to practice pushing the RESET button before plowing ahead into the next activity.  Breathe with them – you’ll love how it calms yourself down too.

2.       Help children check in with their bodies to see if they are tired or hungry.  Late night festivities and lots of sweets can leave children grouchy.  Try to keep a regular routine for healthy eating and sleeping so their bodies and emotions aren’t taxed to the limit.

3.       Take time to lay on the floor and do a whole body relaxation exercise with your children.  Tighten each muscle from toe to head for 7 seconds and then release while breathing out.  Then tighten your entire body and release it by shaking your arms and legs as you walk around.   It is amazing how much tension we all carry around with us that can be lessened with intentional practices. 

4.       Set time limits for using technology.  Don’t let technology babysit your child for more than an hour or two per day.  Endless screen time creates crabby children.   Being “bored” forces children to come up with creative and imaginative activities.  Provide suggestions and materials to stimulate their creative side.

5.       Find ways to nurture yourself.  Exercise.  Plan a date night.  Connect with other families.  Laugh and share while you ignore the piles of laundry, layers of dust, and accumulating emails. 

6.       Schedule some down time each day to read, listen to music, color a mandala, do a family puzzle together.   Too much interaction can be overstimulating.   We all need time to refuel and refill our cups. 

 Our nervous systems sometimes need to be slowed down.  Other times they need ramped up for us to feel in balance.  Be aware of the amount of stimulation and relaxation that are woven throughout each day.  Take steps to move and awaken your bodies, or to relax them, as you journey through the winter break together.   

Enjoy!   We can’t wait to see you and your children again in the New Year!

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator

720-561-4861     ann@teensinc.org

Does Winter Break leave you exhausted, stressed out, and broke!?

     Winter Break is filled with high expectations, increased family time, and temperatures that often give us cabin fever.  How can we head into the break or the holiday season purposely choosing to enjoy it more; to be present and relaxed with our family instead of busy and tense?   Here are a few suggestions that might help families celebrate their increased togetherness (even on a shoe string budget):

1.        Rethink that crazy To-Do List:    Take a deep breath and just do one thing at a time.  Put your entire attention on that task until it is finished, then switch.  Enjoy each activity fully while you are doing it.  Being mindfully attuned to one task increases performance and reduces your stress level, says Kristin Race from Mindful Life.  Then give yourself permission to say “no” to activities that don’t really fill your cup.  If you are less stressed, your children will also be less likely to fight and argue.  It’s all about Doing less and Being more.

2.       Change up your Traditions:  Our brains are hardwired to seek out novelty.  New experiences give us a joyful dopamine hit, so if your holiday traditions are stale, change them up, say the folks at Mindful Life.  Dare your children to wear their matching holiday pajamas from grandma to a busy coffee shop for spiced apple cider.  Make awkward family photos for next year’s card.  Create a scavenger hunt for your children’s gift (even if it is a pair of socks!).  They will remember the hunt long after the present is forgotten.  Be silly and spontaneous. 

3.       Random Acts of Kindness:  Performing acts of kindness is the secret sauce of holiday stress reduction.  Kindness decreases depression, reduces anxiety, boosts oxytocin, makes us feel more connected, and even lowers blood pressure.  So buy presents for a family in need, shovel off a neighbor’s sidewalk, feed the parking meter of a shopping stranger, or let someone go in front of you in line at the shipping store.  Find acts you can do all around your neighborhood or community.  Generate ideas with your kids and get them involved in the acts.

4.       Simply Enjoy the Magic of Winter:  Going back to simple pleasures makes each day of the winter break special and fun.   Make a list of one fun thing you will do each day as a family--Make a fort in the living room out of every pillow and blanket in the house.  String popcorn while playing upbeat music and then hang it outside for the squirrels.  Collect fresh snow in a bowl and drizzle with maple syrup for a treat.  Smear peanut butter on a large pinecone, then sprinkle with bird seed and hang in the trees.    Play flashlight hide and seek in the evening.  Go sledding with your kids and make snow angels.  Decide to have a “no tech Tuesday” or an “Electricity went out Wednesday” and pull out the board games, candles, and family stories to share.  Check out some audio books from the library and listen to them while sipping hot cocoa by the woodstove.  See what free children’s activities are being offered at the local library.  Make homemade playdough and create shapes while it is still warm (Heat 1 cup water, 1 Tbsp. oil, ½ cup salt, 1 Tbsp. cream of tartar & food coloring in saucepan until warm.  Remove from heat and stir in 1 cup flour.  Knead until smooth.)  Roll up a brown paper bag so it sets on your head and decorate with colorful paper and shapes for a New Year’s hat.  Spend hours cutting up paper for confetti to throw at noon instead of midnight on Dec 31^st.  Crank up the tunes and dance together.   Have the kids create a play and costumes with some of your clothing.   Take a night hike and look for stars.  Ignore the rush to consumerism.  Buy less.  Be more.

5.       Gifting with more Meaning:   Encourage your children to include a statement of appreciation for the recipient of each gift they give.  Have fun cutting open brown paper bags and walking across them with painted feet or hands to use as wrapping paper.  Relatives appreciate seeing the homemade paper of loved ones far away.

Your playful and relaxed presence is the best gift you can give your children.

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES

720-561-4861   ann@teensinc.org

Teaching Children to be Kind, Grateful, and see the Good

          Our brain is 3 to 5 times more sensitive to negative information than to positive.  This is a survival mechanism that helped humans to survive (i.e. it was more important to be aware of poisonous snakes than to stop and smell the beautiful flowers.)  Today, we may not have the same threats to our survival yet our brain is still built to pay more attention to negative input and to lock itself in a survival mode.  When we are locked in chronic survival mode, it is harder to learn, harder to get along with others, and harder to be creative and thoughtful when we solve problems.

     When we intentionally pay attention to the positive things in our life, we strengthen the neural pathways associated with those positive memories.  The more frequently the pathways are used, the more our brain likes to use those pathways, increasing positive thoughts and lessening our focus on negative experiences.    When we intentionally do Acts of Kindness for others, the “feel good” chemicals in our brain (serotonin and dopamine) increase. 

     Mindfulness is being acutely aware of yourself, your feelings and body, your surroundings, and others.  Each morning, NES students begin the day practicing mindful breathing.  This helps us focus on the present rather than any negative memories from the past or worries about the future.  Deep breathing is used again throughout the day to help balance the nervous system.   Students have spent the last month doing community service projects, being grateful, doing acts of kindness and affirming one another during BrainWise social emotional lessons.    Classes are discussing and demonstrating the many ways we can show caring toward others, and how doing and saying kind things can make both us and others feel good. 

     To grow positive neural pathways in our children, and to build empathy and compassion for others, here are a few ideas you may want to reinforce at home:

1.       Ask your child how they helped a classmate “have a good day” with an Act of Kindness?  “Feel good” chemicals in the brain are released when we do kind things for others, when we notice kind things are done for us, and when we witness kind acts being done around us (even if we aren’t the recipient). 

2.      Model Acts of Kindness during your daily activities and talk with your child specifically about how and why the act benefits the person. 

3.      Acknowledge the small stuff.  When we practice Mindfulness, it helps us be present in our relationships and pay attention to our environment.  When you are with your children, be intentional about noticing the beautiful flowers, bright blue sky, or the helpful person who held the door open for you. 

4.      Find the Good in life on a daily basis.  Make a gratitude jar with your kids.  Find a container and let the kids decorate it.  Cut out pieces of scratch paper and put them in a convenient place so that family members can write down or draw things they feel grateful for and place the paper in the jar.  Then, open the jar once a week or once a month and read what everyone has written.

5.      Express Affirmations for each other.  When it is someone’s birthday, go around the table and express what everyone appreciates about that person.  This may be the best present they ever receive.  This can also be done as a weekly family ritual to appreciate the positive attributes in each other. 

6.      Brainstorm ways your family can do kind things for others in your neighborhood or community.  Participate in a community service project as a family. 

7.      Want more ideas from Mindfulness author, Kristen Race, Ph. D.?  Listen to her Ted Talk for Generation X Parents --https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRND5IU3Qg    Race offers more suggestions to help families thrive rather than just survive in our fast paced, stressful world. 

Ann Sherman

 Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES