Monday, February 20, 2017

Raising Kids in a Digital Age


      
  •  How can we make changes & create a healthy lifestyle for our children?  
     It is estimated that infants watch 2.5 hours per day of TV, children use 7.5 and teens 9 hours per day of entertainment technologies (cell phones, TV, Internet), while 39% of parents use 11 or more hours per day of screen media during their leisure time.  The impact of screens on child development and family relationships is becoming evident in homes and schools throughout the country.  
(http://movingtolearn.ca/2014/ten-reasons-why-hand-held-devices-should-be-banned-for-children-under-the-age-of-12)

First Step:   RATE how much time your entire family spends on screens each day. (The MOMENT app is a great way to track this.)    As adults are attaching more to their devices, we are detaching from our children.  Are you being mindfully aware of your own usage and the lost chances to connect with your child?  Once the rateof use is determined, look at how your child's usage compares to these ZONEIN.ca guidelines for a balanced life:  

      0-2 years:  Rough and tumble interactions facilitate healthy child development  NO tech usage; not even passive TV.  

     3- 5 years:  Spend your time building strong social connections with your child through play.  Try not to use technology to soothe, reward or babysit your child. No more than 1 hour of pro-social, educational tech per day- watched together. 

     5-12 years:  Balance any pro-social tech usage with physical activity.  Do not allow unsupervised viewing or transportable devices.  2 hours/day maximum.   

     13 -18 years:  Introduce cellphones and Ipads.  Unplug at dinner and at least one day per week.  Do not allow use of multi-platform gaming (Violent video games like Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto are the most addictive technology out there). Research the content of games at ESRB.org.  Continue to keep technology out of bedrooms or other isolated areas.   Maximum use 2 hrs/day.  


2nd Step:   RESET by determining a time period to ‘unplug’ from all family technology. Disconnecting from technology, and reconnecting with family members, can be difficult if we aren't used to having much family time together.  Start by having dinner together as a family, without technology.

3rd Step:  REORDER by replacing time spent using technology with alternate activities. Technology kills a lot of time which could be filled with more healthy and inter-connected family activities.   Make it a point to schedule alternative activities to do together or for your children to do with their friends.  Perhaps suggest the adoption of family theme nights e.g. Monday – bake cookies night, Tuesday – board games night,  Friday -- bowling night, etc.

4th Step:  RULES-- agree upon rules that will support all family technology being unplugged for periods of time.   Use this list of family contracts to get ideas about the boundaries you may want to set:  https://mediatechparenting.net/contracts-and-agreements/  Learn how to use parental controls for each device your child uses at https://sites.google.com/bvsd.org/screenagers-in-ned/home.   A current Kaiser study found 60% of parents do not limit screen time for their children and 75% of families allow screens in bedrooms and isolated basements where they are not monitored.  Take the time to create some healthy boundaries and rules for your children.

5th step:  REACH OUT-- If your children display intense reactions to the change in tech usage, ask for help from a therapist to set boundaries together.   Tracy Markle and Brett Kennedy from Digital Media Treatment Center in Boulder specialize in issues with digital use addiction.  About 1 in 11 children from age 8 -18 are experiencing digital media addiction.  Children with ADHD, depression, social anxiety, substance abuse, learning disabilities, and those on the Autism spectrum are at higher risk for developing tech addictions.  Talk with other parents about how they are managing tech usage in their homes.  There are lots of ideas about how to create balance in a digital world.  

Additional articles and resources can be found at: https://sites.google.com/bvsd.org/screenagers-in-ned/home

Together, we can raise healthy children!

Monday, February 13, 2017

I Used to be a Human


     Andrew Sullivan, author of I Used to Be a Human, points out that within the last ten years, the smartphone has invited us to get lost in information anywhere, at any time.  We have gone from looking up and around to constantly looking down.  However, no matter how convenient and accessible technology has become, it is still our choice whether we remain tethered to it everywhere we go, says Dr. Brett Kennedy, author of The Digital Self.   Is your technology impacting your face-to-face time with others or distracting you from being alone with yourself? 

     According to attachment theory, children bond with their caregivers through face to face interaction and because of the adult’s responsiveness to the child’s emotional state and needs.  But with screens demanding our constant attention, are children left looking at their parent’s fore heads rather than receiving our undivided full facial expressions and attention?    Are we being mindfully “present” when we are with our children?    As never before, children are noticing where our attention lies.  Research indicates that families who have meals together most nights of the week are more likely to prevent risky behavior in their children.  Taking time to connect over food, to laugh and inquire about each other’s day, is a simple but powerful way to make a huge difference in the lives of our children.  But how many family members are now staring into smartphones at the table and allowing texts and calls to interrupt this precious family time?  

   This all led Rachel Macy Stafford at HandsFreeMama.com to make a resolution this year to mindfully change her priorities and shift her work-life balance:    
     I resolve to make memories, not to-do lists.
     I resolve to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment.
     I resolve to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails.
    I resolve to make the noise of my life be a mixture of laughter and gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones and text messages.
    I resolve to let go of distraction, perfection, and pressure – to grasp what really matters. 
    My kids are craving my presence, my connection, my joy and strength.  It’s what I’m craving too.

      If you have similar concerns,   how can you make an action plan to set digital boundaries at meal time, free up evening hours for family interaction time, stow away devices while watching your children perform, or negotiate with work for stricter tech boundaries?  This shift may be easier said than done when employers are demanding access to our lives 24/7.  A recent study at CSU found that just thinking about having to answer work emails at home renders employees “emotionally exhausted.” Other research suggests that limiting the number of times a day that we check email or work-chat services (to three or four) cannot only reduce stress levels but also increase overall productivity.  Creating work-life balance to prevent burn out is as important as preventing the deterioration of strong parent-child relationships.  

      Many of us are in search of balance in this digital age.  Kristin Race from Mindful Life offers some concrete steps that adults should consider to create tech boundaries for their own well being and that of their family.   There are easy adjustments we can all make to limit the impact of our smartphones on our well-being.  Follow this link and get started:   We have put together some mindful hacks for mobiles here.

     And for more ideas, please join the discussion about Raising Kids in a Digital Age this Weds, Feb 15th at 6:00pm at Nederland High. 



Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor at NES, Parenting Matters Coordinator TEENS, Inc.   
720-561-4861   ann@teensinc.org


Monday, February 6, 2017

The impact of screen time on Social Emotional Learning



          Current research indicates that children aged 8 -18 spend  from six to eleven hours per day in front of screens.  The American Academy of Pediatricians recommends zero screen time for children under 18 months and very limited content and screen time for toddlers and pre-schoolers.  How do parents assess what a healthy relationship is to digital media for elementary aged children?  Check out the AAP's media time calculator to determine how much time your child is plugged in each day:  https://www.healthychildren.org/English/media/Pages/default.aspx#home
   
     When digital media is used thoughtfully and appropriately, it can enhance daily life, but when used inappropriately or without thought, screen time can displace many important childhood activities such as face-to-face interaction, family-time, outdoor play, exercise, unplugged downtime, and sleep.  As parents, we are called upon to ascertain how screens are being utilized by our children and it's impact on both our family relationships and our children's social, emotional, cognitive and physical development.

      Without a strong sense of self control, children have a difficult time limiting their digital usage and choosing other activities.  They need our help finding a balanced approach to life in the digital age.    And since intimacy and attachment are developed in face-to-face interactions, and not through screen time, if we want strong bonded relationships with our children, we adults have to be available, present. and unplugged to build those vital connections with our kids.

     Empathy and social skills are learned through face-to-face interactions as well.  In the world of video gaming, children are often rewarded in a game for the exact kinds of social interactions that they are punished for in the real world.  Critics of the ever popular video gaming industry believe that the part of the brain where empathy is developed is disengaged when a child plays video games. Instead of developing greater empathy for human beings, there seems to be a muted response to violent images after teenage boys play numerous first-person shooter games.  As parents, we must consider which media content and what amount of screen time are teaching the values and skills we hope to instill in our children.

       On the other hand, we know that being surrounded by nature is calming to our nervous system.  However, in a world of screens, downtime to self soothe becomes nearly impossible to find. Constant digital stimulation and an overactive nervous system become the new normal.  In the last decade, the rates of anxiety and depression have risen among teenagers.  Are selfies, "likes", and maintaining a digital reality having a detrimental effect on our children's mental health and self image? These are important questions that our culture is just beginning to ask and explore.  Therapists have begun to address the addictive nature of digital media and help families set important boundaries for its use (For more info about tech addiction in children, see http://nypost.com/2016/08/27/its-digital-heroin-how-screens-turn-kids-into-psychotic-junkies/ )


     Have you begun to notice that screen time is taking over your family time; that you have fewer intimate moments with your children and more arguments over the use of technology?  If so, please join our mountain parent community next Wednesday, Feb 15th from 5:30 -8:00 pm at Nederland Middle Senior High School to view the award-winning film SCREENagers.  The film will be followed by breakout sessions exploring practical ways to address Raising Kids in a Digital Age. Discuss with other parents how to raise healthy children by encouraging social interaction, creative imaginative play, and engagement with the real, natural world in proportion to the time spent on screens.   Please contact ann@teensinc.org (720-561-4861) to request free childcare.