Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness at NES

     

     The Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness program at NES helps students become more skillful with their own emotions and in building positive relationships with others. Neuroscience research has shown that if you don’t have skills to work with your strong emotions and with the emotions of others, it can be very difficult to learn.  When we are upset, the part of our brain (pre-frontal cortex or Wizard Brain) that does our thinking and problem solving doesn’t work very well   Being able to manage our emotions, communicate feelings and needs, and resolve conflicts with others are important skills to develop in school as well as to be successful throughout our lives.

   On a daily basis, students at NES are taught to PAUSE, THINK, and then RESPOND. Our emotional Lizard Brains (Amygdala and Hypothalamus) urge us to react quickly and impulsively.  PAUSING to attend to our emotions helps us make better choices and select thoughtful responses.  Our bodies are continually sending us signals about the emotions inside of us.  When we develop the habit of paying attention to and mindfully noticing what is happening in our bodies, we know when to PAUSE and calm down before we respond.  This means we need to already have the habit of paying attention to our bodies as a regular part of our lives.  We can acquire this new mindfulness habit by taking time each day to turn our attention inwardly to our thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Each day, NES students and staff begin by closing our eyes, taking a few breaths to slow down and then “scanning” their whole body to discover the sensations and feelings before they may overwhelm us.  Developing this Self-Awareness occurs during our Moment to PAWS.

    When we notice something is going on inside of us, we PAUSE or STOP talking, doing, or moving.  We take deep “belly” breaths to activate the part of our nervous system that helps us calm in the face of anxiety or excitement or frustration.  Students are learning to identify and select a variety of coping strategies to help with Self-Regulation of their thoughts, emotions, and behavior before deciding how they will Respond.

    Another goal of Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness is to develop empathy for others and the courage to Respond compassionately.  When students can understand how other people are feeling, they are more likely to be kind to them.  This also makes it easier to solve problems and resolve the conflicts which are a natural part of life.  

   Humans are born with the ability to empathize with others and relate to them.  But to get the full benefit of this gift, we need to cultivate it so that even when someone makes us mad or hurt, we can remember to ask, “What might that other person be feeling?”   The more comfortable we become with what goes on inside of us, the easier it is to understand others and what they might be experiencing when they do something to upset us.  

  Remember to ask your children what they are learning each week in their BrainWise Social Emotional lesson.  Ask what they notice after taking a Moment to PAWS.  One way these skills can be reinforced at home is by coaching your child to breathe deeply before problem solving when intense emotions crop up.  Follow the order of this brain science approach to social emotional learning with yourself or your children:  (1) Reflect, (2) Regulate, (3) Relate and Reason, (4) then Respond.

** PassageWorks, Institute in Boulder shares this valuable description of Social Emotional Learning and Mindfulness as it trains adults in our work with children.

The Real Reason Getting to School is so Difficult

    Liz Emmett-Mattox, author of All Good Mornings, helps provide a deeper understanding of why getting ready for school can be so hard on us and our children.   She looks at four main factors that affect our morning vibe.  They are --

    Internal Challenges for Children:  Our kids start the day being utterly vulnerable -- asleep in their beds surrounded by the physical and emotional warmth of “home”.  In the space of an hour, they must prepare themselves, inside and out, for the rigors of the school day.  They are preparing to meet challenges we don’t really know the details of:  the kid who teases them, the math teacher who calls on them just when they DON’T know the answer, the ever-shifting sands of social status, and the anxiety that comes with constantly learning new things.   Our kids are spending time between sleeping and leaving for school transitioning from their “home selves” to “getting their game face on”.  All the complaining, grumbling, delaying, dawdling, and resistance might be seen as different disguises for the anxiety that they have about the day ahead and their ability to handle it.  

    Internal Challenges for Parents:  One of the reasons parenting is such a hard job in the morning is that we are trying to walk the line between two very different sets of demands and attitudes.  On the one hand, we want to nurture our children and care for their needs, and on the other hand, the reality of tardy bells and our own work commitments means we don’t have any time to waste if we are going to meet the demands of the external world.  We are torn & caught between a rock & a hard place.  

    Logistical Challenges:  Transitions are naturally difficult for everyone.  In the morning, families have to shift from sleeping to awake, from horizontal to vertical, from pajamas to school/work clothes, from house to car or bus.  We transition between several different kinds of morning activities and between different locations in the house.  Each transition may require a different kind of thinking and planning process.  All these transitions add stress to the morning.  

    Decision-making can also tax both our cognitive and emotional resources in the morning.  Kids are often on decision overload when asked -- Juice or milk?  Blue or green cup?  Cereal or eggs?  It is a lot to ask a little person who hasn’t even had his breakfast yet.

   Emmett- Mattox assumes most of us have no problem being loving and patient with our kids when there’s no hurry, but when there’s a deadline to meet, we tend to get pulled away from the goal of connection and toward the goal of efficiency.  We naturally feel rushed and frustrated when there is a time crunch.

    Neurobiological Challenges:  Humans all have both a reptilian (Lizard) section of their brains, where our emotions and survival reactions are housed, and a wise Wizard brain where language, problem-solving and creative thought are located.  Our Wizard brain (prefrontal cortex) is not fully developed until our mid-20s.  Emmett-Mattox reminds parents that our children’s capacity for long-range thought and planning in their prefrontal cortex are still under construction.  The sooner we stop expecting them to be able to remember what they need to do or bring, the sooner everyone’s life will get easier.  

    In addition, our Lizard Brain enables us to pick up on an emotional state from someone else.  Our limbic systems never lie.  If we are feeling stressed, it will manifest in some form or another:  a tight voice, jerky movements, and/or constricted breathing. The bad news is that stress can be highly contagious.  You may not mention that you’re expecting a hard meeting at work today, but all of a sudden your child is having a meltdown or your children are bickering for no apparent reason.

    Another limitation of the Lizard Brain is that it doesn’t distinguish between kinds or magnitudes of danger.  We have the same physiological reaction to an oncoming bus as to an oncoming deadline.  The stress of getting ready for school can feel pretty much the same as the stress of outrunning a tiger.

    Perhaps you’ve seen the Lizard Brain at work in your own behavior or that of your child.  Like when your kids refuses to brush her teeth or yells “I KNOW!” when you remind her to bring her gym bag.  When parents start yelling, threatening, or punishing in these moments, it makes our kid’s even more anxious.  The thing to do when you see any of these Lizard Brain responses (in yourself or your kids), is to remember that this is a sign of stress and your reptilian brain has taken charge.  You can’t talk your way out of this, because your limbic system doesn’t have language, so the most effective way to handle the situation is to do whatever you can to de-escalate the stress levels of everyone involved.  Take a deep breath.  Deliberately lower your voice.  Offer a gentle touch, says Emmett-Mattox.  These are some of the same strategies your children are learning during their BrainWise Social Emotional lessons each week.  Think of how you can help your children apply these ideas if there are intense mornings at home. And for more insightful ideas, please read ALL GOOD MORNINGS.

Creating a Powerful Send Off to Each Day

     I’m generally not a morning person, so it is easy for me to relate to the bleary-eyed kids who stumble into class late or disoriented on a regular basis.  I can also deeply empathize with the parents whose early morning hours are spent corralling a disorganized son or arguing with a defiant daughter, so they can catch the bus on time.  Sound familiar?  If so, Colorado author Liz Emmett-Mattox, of ALL GOOD MORNINGS, helps parents rethink their morning routine to transform the AM scene into one that provides a calm send off and a powerful start to each school day. 

     For many parents, the weekday morning routine at home is their craziest hour of the day.  As we roll into the new school year, the transition can be even harder to maneuver.   To lessen the stress, ALL GOOD MORNINGS author Emmett-Mattox has a few helpful suggestions so that families can recognize and meet the emotional needs of each family member in the morning and get the needed tasks accomplished. 

     #1) “Above all", says Emmett-Mattox, "make a solid good CONNECTION with your child first thing every morning.  This is the single most important thing you can do.  From a neurological perspective, you are tuning into the needs of your child’s limbic system.  It may be tempting to leave any “special time” as a reward or something “extra” when all the important stuff is done.  But waking them up to a back rub or snuggle, a reassuring smile or word, a silly song… sets the stage for whatever difficulties will occur in the next hour.  Starting the day with a good, loving connection can make a big difference in easing whatever anxieties your child may have going into the day.  When children feel loved, heard, and seen first thing in the morning, it can go a long way toward eliminating the meltdowns over what to wear or not having their favorite flavor of juice, which can be signs that something is feeling hard in their world."

 

    #2)  "Create a DAILY SCHEDULE that works for your family.  Post this schedule for everyone to see.  Use verbs which tell kids what they should be doing at each step.  Create accompanying visuals for younger kids and visual learners.  Having a visual reminder of what is supposed to happen and when (or at least in what order) helps everyone sail through the morning’s activities by eliminating decision overload.  For example, the schedule that worked best for our family looked something like this:

     6:30 Wake up and snuggle.  Preview the day together.           

     6:45 Get dressed                                                                                          

     7:00 Eat breakfast

     7:15 Brush teeth

     7:20 Pack backpack                                                                               

     7:30 Catch bus or drive to school"

   #3)  "Put a WHITEBOARD near the door.  List the days of the week down the side along with some pictorial reminders of what your child needs for school and any after-school activities each day.  At the bottom, place pictures reminding your child of things she or he needs to take to school every day (lunchbox, backpack, snack, homework folder, hat, and so on)."   This helps your child learn to develop planning and organizational skills.  

   #4 "Create a LAUNCHPAD where all the essentials are kept for your child – backpacks, shoes, coats, soccer equipment, dance outfit.  Having to complete a scavenger hunt first thing in the morning increases the anxiety for the day." 

   #5  "Use an ANALOG CLOCK instead of a digital one to support children and visual thinkers.  To the ears, seven-fifteen and seven-fifty sound a whole lot alike.  On a digital clock, there is only one-digit difference between these two times.  With an analog clock, you really get the visual picture that these are very different things.  The analog clock is going to be a much better indicator of how far away your departure time is.  This helps children understand that deadline". 

     "Having a morning schedule that works is one of the best things you can do to send your kids to school feeling calm, confident, and competent.  Every morning, parents endure the constant feeling of being torn between wanting to meet the needs of their kids and trying to meet the demands of the external world.  Making a schedule that works is really about finding a way to meet adult needs, our kid’s needs, and the needs of the school community all at the same time.”