It's not just WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.

      

      Welcome back to a new year!  In 2019, students at Nederland Elementary School will be practicing social skills like empathy, kindness, compassion, teamwork, assertiveness, reflective listening, and conflict resolution. This week we are noticing nonverbal communication and how it impacts a conversation.  

     It is said that up to 93% of what is communicated is nonverbal in nature.  When we mindfully notice the underlying emotions and thoughts being conveyed in social situations, we can more accurately respond.   It is easy to miss these messages if we don’t practice observing and interpreting nonverbal cues as a child. 

     Here are some Understood.org strategies for helping your child understand It Isn’t just What You Say, but How You Say It that can make all the difference in relationships.  

  

     1.  Encourage your child to listen to the tone and pitch of people’s voices.  See if they can identify    whether the tone is positive, neutral, or negative.   Practice with changing your tone with simple phrases like this:   “Good morning, your breakfast is ready.”  “Thanks a lot for your help” or  “What do you need?”

      2.  Talk about Attitude.  Explain that tone of voice + body language + words = attitude.  Help your child  mindfully notice nonverbal social cues:  “Do you see how Johnny is crossing his arms and scowling as he says everything is fine?”  See if your child can figure out what someone is thinking and feeling by attending to their facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice rather than just taking their words at face value.  

3.               3. Point out inflection.   Teach your child that the meaning of words change with emphasis, volume and speed of speech.  For example, a calm “Where are you going?” is a curious question. A loud, quick “Where are you going?” sounds sarcastic or angry.

4. Practice with nonsense words.  Without having meaningful words to consider, your child can focus on just vocal sounds.  Practice inflection, volume and speed by saying things like “bibbidi bobbidi boo.” Ask your child to say it as a question, as a statement, and as a demand.  Then add emotion to it.  (For example, an “angry question.”)

     Primary students are noticing facial expressions and trying to connect them with an expanded emotions vocabulary.  Our eyebrows, eyes, cheeks, and mouth all change as we display different emotions.  Body language that conveys tension or openness, hopelessness or joy are all on display for children to identify.  Children are learning to “read people” as well as literature. 

      Secondary students are also learning about tone of voice and how it illuminates hidden thoughts and feelings.  An astute mindful observer can learn to read these social cues and know how best to respond in social situations rather than just relying on the words spoken.  

      For more helpful tips about communicating with your family, please join the next Mountain Strong Families series on Tuesday, February 12th from 5:30 -7:30pm at Nederland Elementary.  Three local counselors will explore nonverbal communication, assertive statements and reflective listening skills in The Art of Communicating with your Family.