Giving an Abundance of Presence over Winter Break

   

     A teacher by the name of Murphy Moroney shares this insight with parents as we approach the season of giving:

     "I know at this time of year there is pressure to create a perfect, magical Christmas.  I know that you want to give your children the magic of Santa and ensure he brings the best gifts... but I'm writing to tell you a secret... every January when your child comes back to school, they tell me all about the Christmas holidays.  They tell me about the days when everyone stayed indoors and watched TV together.  They tell me about walking in the freezing cold to get McDonald's.  They tell me about staying at Grandma's and being excited when you came back from work.  They tell me about how you let them snuggle in your bed.  They tell me about how you played cards and took them swimming one day and forgot their towel.  They tell me about a visit to a friend's on New Year's Eve and how they stayed up to midnight.  They tell me about how they loved staying in their PJs some days and taking a trip out another day.  They mention their gifts, but for them Christmas is your love and time and routines and feeling safe.  You are their favorite things!"

     Unfortunately, many of our national holidays in their present form bring as much stress and sadness to families as they do joy and connectedness.  The holidays aren't just stressful for adults, they are actually stressful for children too.  Teachers feel the children's frenzy building by Halloween and continuing to consume them until winter break rolls around -- rippling into the classroom, spilling out onto the recess ground.  One reason this happens is because holidays are so heavily influenced by commercial interests which equate celebrating with buying and acquiring loot.  Children depend on us adults to both regulate their environment, and to help them regulate their moods.  This aptly applies to our holiday celebrations.

     Julie Bisson, author of  Celebrate!, believes the overemphasis on buying things at this time of year minimizes the real message of holidays and focuses instead on what to purchase to make one's family happier.  This emphasis puts unnecessary pressure on families with limited financial resources and can make children whose holiday celebrations feature fewer things feel inferior.  Psychologists remind us that the real cause of happiness is found in strong relationships and in believing your life has meaning.  

     Here are some strategies that Bisson offers to counter commercialism while promoting family connection and deep meaning:

1.  Talk with children about the underlying meaning behind whatever holiday you celebrate. 
     Tell them a little about the historical story of the holiday.  Find a good book that tells this message  and read it together by candlelight.

2.  Explain the symbolism behind the decorations children see around them -- mistletoe, advent wreaths and candles, Los Posadas processionals through the streets, menorahs, nativity scenes, and yule logs.

3.  Foster empathy and compassion in children by reminding them that holidays are a time for thinking of others.    Provide opportunities for children to create homemade gifts for people they love or people in need.

4.  Counter the message that having more means being valued more.  The media has does a good job of reinforcing the story that Santa only brings presents to good children.  Sadly, this damaging story can lead children to think they are bad if they receive few or no presents.

5.  Visit a place of worship that is celebrating a holiday you are unfamiliar with.  Help your child learn about the rich and varied religious traditions that make up our community.  How do Catholic, Protestant, or Greek Orthodox families celebrate Christmas?   How will Jewish families celebrate Hanukkah?  Are there groups gathering to bring in the Winter Solstice together?  Will Latino families in Boulder march through the streets for Las Posadas?   These magical, mysterious, awe-inspiring celebrations help ground children in the deeper meaning of the holidays and teach them how other children and families celebrate light, hope, and joy.

     What children want most over winter break is an abundance of your presence.  One simple way to grant this wish is shared by Rachel Stafford:  Set this simple limit to expand connection   Stafford's simple gesture may bring tears to your eyes as you reflect upon moments you do not want to lose with your child.

     May your home be filled with your loving Presence and with meaningful family traditions which become the memories tucked away in your child's heart.