Jenny Woo, Founder of Mind
Brain Parenting, wonders “What are the most life-defining pieces of wisdom
and memories that I could leave with my children and be in peace knowing that I
have prepared them for life?”
Woo writes:
My research in early childhood at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and
my former experience coaching thousands of adults in companies and schools led
me to advocate for the importance of social and emotional development. Whether
it’s coaching a high-potential vice president of a Fortune 500 company or
developing a recent college graduate, I noticed that the most detrimental
barriers that prevented them from realizing their potentials were their lack of
self-awareness, self-management, and relationship skills. I am not alone.
Eight in ten employers identify social and emotional skills as the most
important to success yet also the hardest skills to find.1
Many of the
seemingly “well-put-together” executives and parents I had coached looked
perfect and well-rounded on paper. They were in a branded career, went to an
excellent university, and had several extracurricular talents. Yet, as the
executive educator, Marshall Goldsmith had famously coined: “what got you
here won’t get you there.”2 I saw some
of the best and brightest struggle to get promoted to the big role at work or
to reinvent themselves in life. It wasn’t that they lacked knowledge or
capabilities. It was that their emotions and egos got in the way.
Academic
success does not equate to life success. To be prepared for life, we
need a much broader understanding of our internal (self-awareness) and external
worlds (social-awareness).
Here are three practices that we could do today that will prepare
our children for life:
1.
Embrace failure
What does the little voice
in your head say when you make a mistake? How do you respond when your child
comes home with a bad grade on a test? Research shows that how parents
perceive and react to failure predicted their children’s view of failure.3 Imagine, even if you had the
best intention of supporting your child’s growth, when you regularly blow up
when your child makes a mistake or mishap, you could be inadvertently giving
off the signal that mistakes are the end of the world. In the workplace, I’ve
seen clients who, despite ample resources and support, struggled to make the
next career leap because their fear of failure stood in their ways — imposing
self-saboteurs — that were mentally and at times, physically debilitating.
2. Ask for Help
All too often, I see
children fail a class or employees fired at work because they remained silent
for too long, either because they were too embarrassed to ask for help or they
didn’t know that asking for help was an option. People who “made it” in life
are more often than not portrayed as those who overcame the adversities of life
through sheer grit. As a result, asking for help can be seen as a sign of
weakness. In reality, it’s about recognizing your strengths and needs, and in
response, utilizing available resources accordingly. Practice asking for
help in front of your child. Show your child that asking for help is a
responsible thing to do, just like giving help to others when you can.
3. Share Power
Allow others, especially
your child, to have a seat at the table, literally and figuratively. Value the
voice and opinions of your child. Parents and children fight when there is a
perceived imbalance of power dominance, in which case, feelings are hurt and
harsh words are exchanged. Sharing power starts with mutual respect. Show your
child how to share power and make collaborative decisions with others.
Give children several attractive choices even when you are setting limits
with them.
Want help with more
actionable conversations that prepare children (and adults) for life?
Check out 2018 Parents’ Choice Award winner, 52 Essential Conversations,
a social and emotional skills building game available on Amazon
(http://amazon.com/dp/B07FKSQV47) and Mind Brain Parenting (http://mindbrainparenting.org) created by Jenny Woo.
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