How Parents and Schools can Prevent School Violence

(Excerpts taken from confidentparentsconfidentkids.org) The friends and family that I have spoken with about {school shootings} have consistently said, "I have to do something.  It's not enough to be horrified and sad.  I have to take action."  And so what can anyone do to make a difference  -- to heal a gaping wound and to prevent something like this from happening in the future?   Here are some ideas to get started. BEGIN AT HOME. Make sure you are really connecting with your children daily.  Disconnect to connect.  Iphones, pads, and other devices have become vehicles for connecting with everyone except those with who we are physically present -- typically our most intimate family.  Set a timer for yourself if you need to but give your children full, undivided attention even if it's only for a short time each day.  And limit their screen time so that you are giving them the chance to look up and connect with you.  Find out what's going on in their heads and hearts.  Laugh together.  Talk and, most especially, listen well if they are scared or upset.  Be patient if deep connection doesn't happen immediately.  Often we have to offer time and a listening ear when they are ready to talk (not when we are).  And if you've been disconnected, then it takes time to build trust.  But that ongoing sense of trust will open up space for confiding in challenges when they arise.  We know that that connection is critical in keeping our children and others safe.  Learn more about how to connect with your child's emotional needs on February 27th from 5:30 -7:30pm at the "Let's Connect" presentation at NES.  RSVP to ann@teensinc.org PARTNER WITH YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER. Ask if there are ways you can support your child's teacher in building community amongst classmates.  Take it a step further if you are interested and able to volunteer as a teacher's aide in the classroom.  Research shows that students are safer if parents are directly involved with the teacher and the classroom. IDENTIFY AND TAKE ACTION ON RED FLAGS. When a child hits another child on the playground or in the classroom, that is a giant red flag.  That red flag is NOT a sign to send her home, suspended.  Punishment only escalates the problem and does not address the root cause.  That red flag is a sign that we -- as educators and parents -- need to get curious about that child's life and unmet emotional needs.  How can we understand what she's going through?  How can we offer her supports that will address her unmet needs?  It is not enough to point the finger and say it's the school's role... and for schools, it's not enough to say it's the parent's job.  We all have to take responsibility.  There are community organizations in every town that offer youth development supports for before and after school time.  Small steps taken to build caring connections for children who feel marginalized and disconnected can turnaround hurt for that child and many others.  For more on this critical issue, check out 50 Alternatives to Detention and Punishment.  NES is beginning to embrace a Restorative Practices approach to dealing with misbehavior that helps address the root causes of the problem and rebuilds relationships that have been harmed.   PARTNER WITH YOUR SCHOOL. You should be aware of what the school plans to do in an emergency including a situation like a school shooting.  But in addition, make sure that there are conversations and a clear plan for Prevention.  And in that Prevention Plan, there should be specific ideas on how the school is building caring relationships and safe spaces for all.  Learn more about schools and research-based social and emotional learning at the CASEL website as a critical means for prevention.  All students at NES begin their day with a mindfulness moment and receive weekly Social Emotional Learning lessons to build their skills in self awareness, self regulation, social awareness, relationship skills, and ethical decision-making.  Ask to serve on the school accountability committee (SAC) to ensure that your school has a vibrant Prevention plan. ADVOCATE FOR SCHOOL-COMMUNITY SUPPORTS. What supports are there for students who need more than the school can offer?   In schools, these are typically referred to as "intervention supports."  If the response you receive is "We have academic tutors for those students who are not performing academically," then that's not enough.  What supports are there for students who need emotional and social asssistance beyond what the school personnel can directly address?  Who is responsible for working with the students and families in order to seek assistance in the community? Some schools have a social worker or counselor who is primarily responsible for cultivating trust between families, students and the school.  They work closely with teachers to identify those students who are displaying risky behaviors and ensure that students who need more support than a classroom teacher can reasonably provide, get that support in the community.  Parents at NES can reach out to Challace.Cole@bvsd.org,  Eric.Swan@bvsd.org or Kristi.Venditti@bvsd.org  to request additional supports for students. PROMOTE SCHOOL-FAMILY-COMMUNITY CONNECTIONS. Preventing a crisis from occurring also involves caring connections.  Families need to feel connected to the school.  Students need to feel connected to the school and each other.  Teachers need to feel connected to students, parents, the principal, and the larger system (district, community).  The profile of individuals who perpetrate school shootings is typically that of an introvert, sometimes, the victim of bullying, but often, a student that goes unnoticed.  In schools with which I work, there is no child that goes unnoticed.  Every person -- staff and students -- is greeted each morning through a Morning Meeting.  Each student gets the opportunity to share something about themselves daily.  This -- connectedness in school communities -- is the way that we turn this problem around in the long term.  NES is in the process of adopting an Expeditionary Learning Model which includes Morning Meetings, daily check ins, and engaged learning and strong connections for all students.  For numerous research-based ideas on additional ways to create the needed connections with family and community, read Beyond the Bake Sale: The Essential Guide to Family-School Partnerships by Anne Henderson. ORGANIZE AND MOBILIZE. Committed parents across the country, through volunteerism and advocacy, have created a focus on social and emotional learning to prevent bullying and other violence in their respective districts.  One such individual in Strongville, Ohio, noticed that the state PTA organization was not talking about the need for social and emotional learning in schools.  She developed and proposed a resolution for the Ohio PTA to focus on "maximizing student potential and achievement through positive social climate and social and emotional learning."   It now serves as a national model for other PTAs.  In my experience, if a small group of parents exert their influence and assert that something is essential to the education and well-being of students that are not currently being addressed, schools and school districts have no choice but to take notice and respond.  For more info about how some Florida students are organizing for change, see their #neveragain campaign MARCH 14 +24th      I hope you will make a commitment to taking action in your own way!