Social Psychologists
have long influenced our knowledge about the importance of family relationships
and the ability of children to develop social emotional intelligence.
Their research indicates that frequent eye contact, one-on-one time
and undivided attention between parents and children are necessary for
building secure attachment between the parent and child. In addition,
young children are unable to regulate their emotions if the primary adults in
their lives are not responding in a nurturing manner to their displays of
emotion.
Today, there is growing concern over the
lack of parental presence when family members occupy the same space but are
distracted and absorbed by various media sources. Wallis (2010) believes
“the increased usage of social media has led to a world in which individuals
are always distracted from the social and physical presence of ‘here and now’
to a more appealing attentional target.” So rather than children
being given the chance for enough face to face interactions with parents, are they
now more likely to observe the back of their parent’s head or forehead, while
craving social interaction which will build their emotional intelligence?
If children’s healthy social skills and
ability to regulate their emotions is learned through face to face
interactions, and if the depth of attachment and close bonds to their parents
is also accomplished through quality interactions, will we experience a
reduction or demise of children’s social emotional learning, and sense of
relatedness to their families, as our use of media increases?
On another familial front, 25% of American
couples are saying their relationships are being wrecked by a seductive third
party. Couples are struggling to balance their love for each other with
their love for their IPhones or Androids. According to managing editor of
The Week, the average smartphone user checks in about 80 times per day and
consumes some form of media 12 hours a day. “The dazzling images and
alluring tidbits of information from the internet are virtually impossible to
resist. Tap a screen and you’re rewarded by the pleasure centers in your
brain -- the same ones activated by recreational drugs.” It’s no wonder
that we find it difficult to unplug and focus on our loved ones.
So for children, teens, and adults who
spend time on their devices, Dr. Byun Gi-Wun, a South Korean expert in
cognitive problems, warns that heavy reliance on smartphones creates an
imbalance in brain development which leads to the right side of the brain
becoming stunted. His work implies there will be eventual memory loss,
short attention spans, and problems regulating emotions.
In summary, children may not be receiving
enough opportunities for human connection or for social emotional learning in
their primary relationships surrounded by digital devices. Couple
relationships are showing signs of stress and conflict due to the overuse of
media. And it appears that the excessive use of smartphones and devices
is changing the way everyone’s brain is developing. While there are
both benefits and risks (McDaniel, 2012) to the increased use of social media
(for instance, young mothers are using online communication to acquire
continued support and information needed to help them through the first few
months following childbirth), we are at a cultural tipping point in terms of
questioning and regulating our media use if we want to raise children with
strong social skills and emotional well-being; children who feel deeply
attached to their family.
As we become more conscious of our tech
usage, we may want to purposefully create downtime with our loved ones.
Here are some “US TIME” cards you can create and share with your
children: http://www.plantlovegrow.com/uploads/3/4/5/0/34500811/us_time.pdf
Save them for holiday gifts or use them now. One-on-one
time is a present that doesn’t have to cost a dime, and yet, the payoff is
tremendous.
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