Helping Children Overcome their Fears

My daughter was always timid in public and yet very assertive at home.  Even by the time she was in middle school, I remember one time when she still got mad when I encouraged her to run into the grocery store and buy the lip balm she wanted while I waited outside in the car.  Being brave and confident in public scared her to death.

When fears paralyze children and do not allow them to function in their daily lives, parents must ask themselves if expert intervention is needed.   But there are many other childhood fears that parents can help their children face all by themselves.  

In the BrainWise Social Emotional lesson that your child participated in this January, students had fun looking at the myriad of things children their age fear (spiders, aggressive dogs, snakes, angry people, ghosts, public speaking, meeting new people, and even talking about their emotions).   Students learned how perceived danger triggers an immediate reaction in their brains, much like a reflex or instinctual response which we are born with to insure their safety.    The interesting thing is that while danger signs cause us to have quick, knee-jerk reactions (flight/fight/freeze responses as well as intense emotions), many times we have to learn not to respond too fast in social situations.  We need to think things through as we search for a more appropriate response.  But when we are scared, it is hard to think clearly and creatively. And it is almost impossible to learn when all our energy is consumed by our fears.

Using our pre-frontal cortex to creatively problem solve and calm our emotions produces better responses.  Your child learned about the best way to stay safe if they encounter a mountain lion in the mountains.   Any of the flight/ fight/ or freeze impulsive reactions would most likely get them attacked.  They learned a “power pose” to ward off mountain lions.   Please ask them to demonstrate their new survival knowledge.

Students also learned a similar “super hero power pose” to use in other situations where they need to feel brave.   This stance involves standing with legs apart, chin up, and hands either on hips or up in the air.  Psychological research at Harvard Business School( Cuddy 2014) has shown that striking a super hero power pose for 2 minutes before engaging in a fear-producing event like public speaking or a job interview changes the biochemistry in our bodies.  Cortisol, our stress hormone, is decreased and testosterone, an assertive hormone, is increased.  Knowing more about how our brains work and what we can do to excel in social situations is important information.   Among other goals, the weekly BrainWise Social Emotional lessons at NES hope to help all children believe in themselves and move forward with confidence. 

Ann Sherman

TEENS Inc Parenting Matters Coordinator and Social Emotional Learning Instructor at NES

ann@teensinc.org