Raising Children with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is learned.  Students at Nederland Elementary School are practicing being mindful of the messages their bodies send out when they are experiencing a strong emotion.  These indicators are sent out by the Amygdala (or Lizard Brain) to let them know they are having an emotional response to a situation.  We are learning to be aware when we feel our bodies talking to us in some of the following ways -- a rapid heartbeat, tense or shaky muscles, or an upset digestive system.

Try asking your child to practice identifying his or her emotions in various situations and use their Wizard Brain/Prefrontal Cortex to pay attention to the “Red Flag warnings” their bodies are sending them.  Mindfully reading their body is the first skill to learn, articulating that emotion in a thoughtful way is the next step, and knowing & practicing strategies to help regulate emotional intensity are the indicators of Emotional Intelligence.  Getting our own emotional house in order aids us when interacting with others.  

Children need the adults in their lives to teach what this complete awareness looks like.  For instance, adults can role model emotional intelligence by saying things like:  “My shoulders and jaw feel really tight tonight (physical sensation).  I must be feeling stressed and uptight (identify emotion).  I’m gonna put on some good music, have a cup of hot tea and snuggle up next to the fire with you (emotional regulation strategy).  That should help me relax.”   The more we adults show that we are aware of our emotional state and are actively caring for ourselves, the easier it is for children to learn to do the same in a healthy manner. 

In addition, we can help children develop an awareness of what various emotions look like on the faces of others and what nonverbal cues often indicate these emotional states.  To have strong social skills, humans need to learn to read faces and body language just like they learn to read books.   We can read to our children before we tuck them into bed, but we can also daily point out the emotions illuminated on the people around us, how to effectively communicate our feelings without disrespecting others, and how to actively attend to everyone’s well being. 

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor/Parenting Matters Coordinator