As we gather round the Thanksgiving table this year with the hodge podge of folks that make up our extended family, we may be tested. Our children will be carefully observing how populist Uncle Joey, progressive cousin Jessie, conservative Grandpa Tom, and liberal mom will delicately carve up the turkey together. Rachel Stafford, from HandsFreeMama.com, encourages the adults to take a cue from each other's diverse opinions:
"Over the past year, I've struggled with some of the opinions expressed by people I've known and cared about for years. The stances these individuals take on controversial issues plaguing our country continue to surprise and dishearten me. When I hear these differing views and opinions on deeply important issues, I feel anger rise up within me and the urge to cut ties. This reaction is not loving or unifying. It is not healthy or helpful. As much as I remind myself they are entitled to their opinion as much as I am, I still feel ill will.
It was while I was venting to my teenage daughter about an aggressive viewpoint expressed by a close friend that I received the guidance I've been searching for. My 14-year-old daughter said, "Your friend doesn't know what you know. She has not had the experiences you have." Then Natalie told me what she did when a classmate made a political statement that hurt and offended a group of students. She reached out to one of the alienated people so she would know my daughter was with her. My daughter could tell by the person's reaction and the end result that her action had been a helpful one."
My daughter went on to say, " I could argue with someone about their opinion - which probably won't change anything - or I could do something good. And that DOES change things." Basically, one student's divisive action became my daughter's cue to do the opposite -- to unify.... to include... to stand beside.
Stafford goes onto share: I'm in the process of adopting a healthier and more helpful reaction to opinions and views that upset me. I call it: Cue to Love. It looks like this--
Another person's close mindedness is my cue to be curious instead of defensive.
Another person's shaming language is my cue to speak words of acceptance.
Another person's hostility is my cue to be a peacemaker.
Another person's arrogance is my cue to gain understanding.
Another person's quick-to-judge attitude is my cue to remember we are more alike than different.
Another person's vitriol toward a group of people is my cue to love all in abundance.
Each time I use my cue to Love, this is what I find:
The people I most disagree with provide my greatest opportunities for growth.
The people I find most difficult to love stretch me to be my most loving self.
I could argue with these people about their opinion or cut off communication, but that leaves little chance for progress, growth, and peace. Instead, I will take my daughter's lead, and use their divisive stance as a cue to Love. ...Instead of feeling my blood boil by the opinions of some, I have been inspired to act with love.
My job is not to change the opinions of those hurting people with their views. My job is to change the view of the hurting people... with love.
Think through this scenario with me for a moment:
A person is alienated by the shaming words of someone while riding on the subway. He proceeds through his day, feeling alone, devalued, and perhaps even scared.
If kindness, love, or acceptance is the VERY NEXT THING this hurting person encounters, his view of the world instantly changes. The whole world is suddenly not against him. The world is suddenly a bit more hopeful.
I would want that for my unique child.
I would want that for my aging parent.
I would want that for my grieving brother.
I would want that for my exiled sister.
I would want that for you.
I would want that for me.
I'm done feeling angry, bitter, and hopeless when someone shares a polarizing viewpoint. That is now my cue to love. Because an act of love at the precise moment it's needed can literally change the world."
This month during Social Emotional Learning lessons at NES, students are practicing developing empathy for others and having the courage to show compassion -- even to those that appear to be different from themselves. However, one of their biggest lessons comes from watching the adults in their lives maneuver the political divide in our nation... and across the holiday table.
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