Helping your child adjust to school

      According to Dr. Laura Markham at ahaparenting.com, it is natural for kids to need a little extra help adjusting to the start of school. “Instead of the exuberance you expected, you may find many days -- especially Monday -- starting with tears, or maybe a tummy-ache. Your child isn't faking. Anxiety affects the body, and can result in an actual upset stomach, especially in children.” So here are some of Markham’s tips for addressing the anxiety and behavior that may appear on school days until your child feels more comfortable with going to school:

 1. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher. Kids need to feel connected to an adult they think will keep them safe. So when they aren't with their parents, they need to transfer their attachment focus to their teacher, or they're too anxious to settle down and learn. If you notice that your child doesn’t feel good about school, contact the teacher immediately. Just explain that he doesn’t seem to have settled in yet, and you hope she can make a special effort to reach out to him so he feels at home.

2. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids need to feel bonded with at least one other child. Ask the teacher if she’s noticed who your child is hanging with. Ask your child which kids she’d like to invite over to play. See if you can arrange a playdate. Before long, the kids will be probably be racing around the house like long lost buddies.

3. Create a parting ritual or token to hold onto during the day. For many kids, the biggest challenge is saying goodbye to you. Develop a parting ritual, such as a hug and a saying: “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll pick you up at 3!” Most kids like a laminated picture of the family in their backpack. Many also like a token for their pocket, such as a paper heart with a love note, or a pebble you found on the beach together, that they can hold for reassurance if they feel alone.

4. Help your child laugh out his anxieties. Giggling is your child's way of venting anxiety, and any child who is having a tough school adjustment is feeling anxious -- fearful -- inside. Give him as many opportunities to giggle as possible. Spend some time every morning playing a chase game in your house or have a gentle pillow fight. And here are some games that specifically help kids with separation: http://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/school-age/Help-kids-adjust-school

5. Focus your attention to stay connected. Start your child's day with a five minute snuggle in bed or on the couch, just bringing 100% of your attention to loving her. Make sure that every day after school when you're reunited, you have special time with each child to hear all about her day. Make sure to schedule in a long snuggle after lights-out to increase her sense of security.

6. Stay alert for signs about why your child is worried. Most of the time, kids do fine after a few weeks. But occasionally, their unhappiness indicates a more serious issue: he’s being bullied, or can’t see the blackboard, or doesn’t understand anything and is afraid to speak up. Ask calm questions about his day, listen deeply, and reflect what he tells you so he’ll keep talking. Start conversations by reading books about school together; your librarian can be helpful. Offer your own positive school stories (“I was so nervous the first week I couldn’t even use the bathroom at school but then I met my best friend Maria and I loved first grade”) and the assurance that he’ll feel right at home soon.

7. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up. This is crucial. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties.

8. Create a calm household routine with early bedtimes. If you have to wake your kids in the morning, they aren’t getting enough sleep. Kids who aren’t well-rested don’t have the internal resources to cope with goodbyes, much less the rigors of the school day. Pre-schoolers require 10 -13 hours/night and elementary students require 9 -11 hours of sleep. And get yourself to bed early too, so you can deal calmly with the morning rush and get everyone off to a happy start.

For more ideas about connecting with your children and attending to their social emotional growth, pick up a copy of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.