Teaching Children to be Kind, Grateful, and see the Good

          Our brain is 3 to 5 times more sensitive to negative information than to positive.  This is a survival mechanism that helped humans to survive (i.e. it was more important to be aware of poisonous snakes than to stop and smell the beautiful flowers.)  Today, we may not have the same threats to our survival yet our brain is still built to pay more attention to negative input and to lock itself in a survival mode.  When we are locked in chronic survival mode, it is harder to learn, harder to get along with others, and harder to be creative and thoughtful when we solve problems.

     When we intentionally pay attention to the positive things in our life, we strengthen the neural pathways associated with those positive memories.  The more frequently the pathways are used, the more our brain likes to use those pathways, increasing positive thoughts and lessening our focus on negative experiences.    When we intentionally do Acts of Kindness for others, the “feel good” chemicals in our brain (serotonin and dopamine) increase. 

     Mindfulness is being acutely aware of yourself, your feelings and body, your surroundings, and others.  Each morning, NES students begin the day practicing mindful breathing.  This helps us focus on the present rather than any negative memories from the past or worries about the future.  Deep breathing is used again throughout the day to help balance the nervous system.   Students have spent the last month doing community service projects, being grateful, doing acts of kindness and affirming one another during BrainWise social emotional lessons.    Classes are discussing and demonstrating the many ways we can show caring toward others, and how doing and saying kind things can make both us and others feel good. 

     To grow positive neural pathways in our children, and to build empathy and compassion for others, here are a few ideas you may want to reinforce at home:

1.       Ask your child how they helped a classmate “have a good day” with an Act of Kindness?  “Feel good” chemicals in the brain are released when we do kind things for others, when we notice kind things are done for us, and when we witness kind acts being done around us (even if we aren’t the recipient). 

2.      Model Acts of Kindness during your daily activities and talk with your child specifically about how and why the act benefits the person. 

3.      Acknowledge the small stuff.  When we practice Mindfulness, it helps us be present in our relationships and pay attention to our environment.  When you are with your children, be intentional about noticing the beautiful flowers, bright blue sky, or the helpful person who held the door open for you. 

4.      Find the Good in life on a daily basis.  Make a gratitude jar with your kids.  Find a container and let the kids decorate it.  Cut out pieces of scratch paper and put them in a convenient place so that family members can write down or draw things they feel grateful for and place the paper in the jar.  Then, open the jar once a week or once a month and read what everyone has written.

5.      Express Affirmations for each other.  When it is someone’s birthday, go around the table and express what everyone appreciates about that person.  This may be the best present they ever receive.  This can also be done as a weekly family ritual to appreciate the positive attributes in each other. 

6.      Brainstorm ways your family can do kind things for others in your neighborhood or community.  Participate in a community service project as a family. 

7.      Want more ideas from Mindfulness author, Kristen Race, Ph. D.?  Listen to her Ted Talk for Generation X Parents --https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRND5IU3Qg    Race offers more suggestions to help families thrive rather than just survive in our fast paced, stressful world. 

Ann Sherman

 Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES