Life has been crazy and stressful this year. Holiday traditions and expectations can add to that. Or, we can choose to focus on what genuinely creates happiness and contentment as we enter this season. "Connection, meaning, and contribution produce warm and pleasant feelings, not things," we are reminded by Dr. Laura Markham in Ahaparenting.com During a rough year, our children are primarily craving the stability and love that we give them.
Some families choose to decrease the buying frenzy over the holidays by limiting their children to four presents and helping children talk about the difference between "wants" and "needs". Children are encouraged to generate a holiday Wish List with "something I want, something I need, something to wear, something to read."
But Dr. Laura Markham actually encourages parents to take the focus off of presents this year and put it back on the love between you and your child. This year especially, we may be struggling to make ends meet, but consumerism isn't what fills our children's emotional cups. Since children spell love "TIME", Markham says "make love tangible by coming up with magical ways to connect" after a particularly difficult year. Her suggestions are:
1. Give the gift of your time.
Print out certificates for activities with you and wrap them so your child gets the pleasure of opening a present. For added excitement, create a treasure hunt with clues hidden around your house and the certificates located at the end of the hunt. Kelly Holmes from Happy You, Happy Family, offers a Free Printable Coupon Book that will delight your child like no other gift. Your child can cash in on fun (often free) experiences throughout the long, dark winter and beyond. You might end up spending a whole day in your jammies, making playdough together and forming things while its warm, or taking a mental health day off school and work (yes, please!)
Check out this coupon book chocked full of fun ways to connect and make any time of the year special. Printable Coupon Booklet
2. Share the magic of the holiday.
No matter what holiday you celebrate (it's a great time to learn about these Beloved Holidays around the world), find a sense of wonder by going for a quiet walk together as a family and look at neighborhood lights, icicles, and animal tracks. The fresh air melts away stress, the dark night inspires awe, the novelty and sense of adventure on an evening hike create connection. Turn off all cellphones and just enjoy the moment with your family.
3. Shift the focus from materialism to connection and giving.
Photograph you and your child making homemade presents, decorating for the holiday, or baking treats. Create a little book of holiday tradition photos along with your child. They will enjoy the memories it brings back every time they look at it. Brainstorm with your child how you could gift a neighbor this year -- help shovel, deliver kindling, share a treat, clean off their car, carol at their door, or call them weekly until it's safe to leave our homes.
Over the next few weeks, write down things you and other family members are grateful for, from this unusual year. Toss them into a "Blessing Bowl." Ask your children to contribute, too. One evening toward the end of 2020, make popcorn, snuggle up by the fire, and go through the bowl reading each gratitude item aloud. Talk about them together. Savor the feeling of emotional abundance served up in this bowl. Share how blessed your family is to have each other. This creates feelings of gratitude, connection, and meaning which lasts for months.
And here's one SPECIAL, FREE present for YOU:
Mountain Strong Families is hosting a five-part virtual Parenting Series this winter entitled: How to Raise Whole Human Beings. If some of your child's behavior is distressing to you, if having everyone home often feels overwhelming, if you'd love to connect with other mountain families, and learn more about a Positive Parenting approach to teaching your child Social Emotional skills, stay tuned for more details. Mark your calendars: Thursdays Jan 21, Feb 18, March 11, April 8, and May 6th. This Series will feel like a much needed, nurturing gift to all the adults who are helping their children cope with the added challenges of 2020!!
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