Happy You, Happy Family.com offers these helpful reminders for Mother's Day:
Above all, remember that even the happiest moms have unhappy moments. When you’re feeling a little off or even if you’re teetering on the brink of losing your temper, try these science-backed tricks to get back on track.
Some days you might need one of these quick solutions, and other days you might need a handful to find your happy again.
1. Label Your Feeling
Use a word or two to describe how you’re feeling, starting with “I’m feeling…” For example: “I’m feeling frustrated,” or “I’m feeling annoyed.”
Here’s why this works: When you’re stressed, your brain – or more specifically, the amygdala of your brain – becomes hyper-vigilant. Your brain interprets even the smallest of everyday annoyances as a threat against your survival. That’s the amygdala (uh-mig-duh-luh) at work. But labeling your emotions in just a few words tells the amygdala to settle down.
One important caveat: The phrasing “I’m feeling angry” is important compared to just “I’m angry.” The extra word “feeling” helps you separate the emotion you’re experiencing from your sense of self. It’s a lot easier to overcome anger when you label it as something you’re feeling instead of something you are. You are not the hot-headed Anger dude from the movie Inside Out. You’re just feeling angry feelings.
2. Do Three Rounds of 3-1-6
To catch your body from unleashing a full-fledged fight-or-flight response, do this:
- Breathe in for three seconds. Count out “one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand” in your head to make sure you don’t rush it.
- Hold the breath for one second.
- Exhale for six seconds.
- Repeat steps 1-3 three times.
As you exhale, you may notice that you feel calmer. This is because this breathing technique stops your body’s stress response and lowers your heart rate.
3. Say, “It’s Not About Me”
Let’s say you discovered your kid took money from your wallet and lied to you about it. Reframe the situation by saying, “It’s not about me. She must be having a bad day.”
To be clear, the point of this trick is not to excuse inappropriate behavior from your kid. The goal is to keep your temper in check so you can deal with the situation in a productive way.
Because when you react like a sleep-deprived drill sergeant, you risk introducing fear and stress into the situation. When fear and stress are involved, your child’s brain is flat-out incapable of learning anything from the situation. And my guess is that you’d rather your kid learn an important lesson than cower in fear.
4. Hug It Out
Remember this from number 1? When you experience a negative emotion, the amygdala of your brain comes to life like an over-reactive car alarm. Then your brain shuts down to logic and interprets every little thing as a threat.
To find happiness as a parent, you need your amygdala to chill out. One reliable way to do that is to hug a loved one. Because when you hug the right way, you get the happy chemicals oxytocin and serotonin flowing. Those are the chemicals that boost your mood and promote bonding. In particular, oxytocin reduces the reactivity of the amygdala.
But here’s the important part: You need to hold a hug for at least six seconds in order to get this benefit.
Photo by Caitlin Regan5. Shake It Up
You’ve probably already heard that exercise boosts your endorphins, which is a chemical that helps you fight stress. Exercise also prompts your body to release a special protein called BDNF, which stands for Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor. This protein is like a reset switch for your brain, so you typically feel at ease and happier after exercising. And after an angry outburst, physical activity helps flush the adrenaline from your system.
You’re a busy parent, so I’m not suggesting you go for an hour-long run every time your mood dips. But I have found one way to increase my daily physical activity that’s actually fun for me and my kids. A family dance party.
Research shows that music cuts your stress, for example by reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol. What’s more, babies and toddlers get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat. Next time you and/or your kids feel a case of the crankies coming on, fire up your favorite playlist and dance away the bad mojo.
6. Hack Your Sleep
If you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re missing out on a big win when it comes to how to be a happy mom.
Unless you happen to be part of the tiny, tiny percent of people who can thrive on less than seven hours of sleep a night, research has shown time and time again that lack of sleep will stand in the way of your daily happiness.
If you aren’t already napping as a way to catch up on sleep, you should be. But, but, but…, I can hear you thinking.
I’m too busy. I can’t fall asleep during the day. I have a day job. Whatever your excuse, forget about it for now. Just try a nap. If it doesn’t work out for you after you give it an honest chance, then so be it.
The optimal length of time for a nap depends on what effect you’re going for:
- For a quick boost in energy and focus, 25 minutes or less is best.
- If you nap somewhere between 30 minutes and 85 minutes, you’ll likely wake up pretty groggy.
- For a deeper sleep, set your alarm for 90 minutes because that’s a full sleep cycle.
- 7. Challenge Yourself to 5 Good Acts
Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you’re feeling like your quest to be a happy mom is in danger, make sure to get five positive interactions on the books as fast as possible.
What counts as a positive interaction? This could be as simple as giving your child or your partner a hug, saying “I love you,” or telling a joke. Print my go-to list of 30 simple ways to hit the magic 5:1 ratio with your child.
When you’re in the thick of a mom funk, it’s hard for your brain to settle on the right steps to take in order to get back to being a happy mom. Use this cheat sheet to help you in those tough moments.
Thank you so much for the reminder of stuff. I soo love it! keep Mailing.
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