Tips for De-stressing Your December
Excerpts from Dr. Laura Markham ( ahaparenting.com)
December doesn't have to be stressful, no matter what holiday you celebrate. The increasing dark of the Northern hemisphere can be a signal to turn inward to your home and family, to create more warmth, light and peace. It can be a time for cozy connection and deep joy, whatever your personal beliefs. The key is deciding what kind of experience you want to create. Here are some ideas to consider:
1. Decide what's really important and say NO to everything else.
Start by sitting quietly for five minutes with your eyes closed, seeing in your mind the scenes you want to create this December. Then open your eyes and write down your top priorities. Next, sit down with your partner, if you have one, and your kids, if they're old enough, to share everyone's ideas of what would be a meaningful holiday season. Get out the family calendar, and think about when these things will get done. Just say no to holiday events that don't hold meaning for you, including most work events. If your kids are old enough that they want to spend time with their friends rather than just family, plan now to include their friends in the events where it feels appropriate -- baking pies for the local soup kitchen, or gathering greenery to decorate the house. Use this festive family meeting to set priorities for the holidays together.
2. Prioritize Time for Family Connection.
Your first rule is not to do holiday tasks alone, unless you feel nurtured by them. Always find a partner for these holiday tasks. It's a great opportunity for fun with family members, and the kids love the one-on-one time with a parent. And if you can't recruit anyone, consider that maybe you don't actually need to do more baking or decorating or whatever, if it isn't important to anyone else. If your kids are too young to help, then it becomes even more important to limit what you do. What children want this holiday season is connection with their parents and your mood matters more to your kids than anything else. Make a plan with each family member to do something delicious just with them -- bake cookies together, work out together, walk together through town where you can admire holiday decorations, etc.
3. Reject Commerialism.
None of the holidays we observe in December are designed to include purchasing things from stores. Each is an opportunity to celebrate -- the birth of the Savior, the return of the light with Solstice, the Seven Principles of Kwanzaa, and the miracle of faith symbolized by the Hanukkah lights. De-commercializing the winter holidays can be challenging, but it's certainly possible. Some families decide to give four presents to their child: "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read." Some families de-commercialize the holidays by making presents. If your whole family is making presents, try scheduling some weekend afternoons when everyone is working on their creations.
4. Create Traditions that make Meaning and bring your Family Closer.
1. Decide what's really important and say NO to everything else.
Start by sitting quietly for five minutes with your eyes closed, seeing in your mind the scenes you want to create this December. Then open your eyes and write down your top priorities. Next, sit down with your partner, if you have one, and your kids, if they're old enough, to share everyone's ideas of what would be a meaningful holiday season. Get out the family calendar, and think about when these things will get done. Just say no to holiday events that don't hold meaning for you, including most work events. If your kids are old enough that they want to spend time with their friends rather than just family, plan now to include their friends in the events where it feels appropriate -- baking pies for the local soup kitchen, or gathering greenery to decorate the house. Use this festive family meeting to set priorities for the holidays together.
2. Prioritize Time for Family Connection.
Your first rule is not to do holiday tasks alone, unless you feel nurtured by them. Always find a partner for these holiday tasks. It's a great opportunity for fun with family members, and the kids love the one-on-one time with a parent. And if you can't recruit anyone, consider that maybe you don't actually need to do more baking or decorating or whatever, if it isn't important to anyone else. If your kids are too young to help, then it becomes even more important to limit what you do. What children want this holiday season is connection with their parents and your mood matters more to your kids than anything else. Make a plan with each family member to do something delicious just with them -- bake cookies together, work out together, walk together through town where you can admire holiday decorations, etc.
3. Reject Commerialism.
None of the holidays we observe in December are designed to include purchasing things from stores. Each is an opportunity to celebrate -- the birth of the Savior, the return of the light with Solstice, the Seven Principles of Kwanzaa, and the miracle of faith symbolized by the Hanukkah lights. De-commercializing the winter holidays can be challenging, but it's certainly possible. Some families decide to give four presents to their child: "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read." Some families de-commercialize the holidays by making presents. If your whole family is making presents, try scheduling some weekend afternoons when everyone is working on their creations.
4. Create Traditions that make Meaning and bring your Family Closer.
Children love tradition and ritual. Repetition, the comfort of belonging, the sense of wonder, magic and celebration -- traditions nurture kids and parents alike, and create a sense of shared meaning. They connect families. Kids need the security of repeated traditions, and they'll want you to repeat this year anything you've "always done" in the past. Honor those requests and savor those moments. (A family trip to gather greenery? A scavenger hunt to find a hidden present? Caroling in your neighborhood? A religious service? A candlelit meal with favorite family recipes? Volunteering for Meals on Wheels?)
5. Giving to Others.
5. Giving to Others.
What we really want for our kids is to find their own holiday spirit and discover the joy of giving to others. Did you know that the experience of giving actually activates an area of the brain that gives us physical pleasure? But generosity doesn't come from guilt. Children begin to feel generous from the feeling of having plenty -- emotionally, even more than materially-- and it develops as they have the experiences of making others happy by giving to them. Our job as parents is to help our kids to have those experiences.
6. Take Time as a Family to Reflect.
The holidays are a great time for families to reflect, examine, and appreciate their lives together. Start with discussions at dinner about what you love about your family, your lives, and yourselves, and one thing you would change if you could. (Read together: The Table Where Rich People Sit by Byrd Baylor to focus on the simple blessings of life. Kristin Race, from Mindful Life, suggests utilizing a simple gratitude jar to capture the big and small things we are grateful for on a regular basis. Each day, each family member writes down one thing, big or small, that they are grateful for and drops it in the jar. Over time, this simple practice rewires our brains for happiness. When times get tough, sit down with your family, pull out a handful or two, and read them off to each other. It will help you reconnect to what's really important.)
6. Take Time as a Family to Reflect.
The holidays are a great time for families to reflect, examine, and appreciate their lives together. Start with discussions at dinner about what you love about your family, your lives, and yourselves, and one thing you would change if you could. (Read together: The Table Where Rich People Sit by Byrd Baylor to focus on the simple blessings of life. Kristin Race, from Mindful Life, suggests utilizing a simple gratitude jar to capture the big and small things we are grateful for on a regular basis. Each day, each family member writes down one thing, big or small, that they are grateful for and drops it in the jar. Over time, this simple practice rewires our brains for happiness. When times get tough, sit down with your family, pull out a handful or two, and read them off to each other. It will help you reconnect to what's really important.)
Wishing you and yours a merry and meaningful winter break!
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