Simple Strategies for Creating Sanity during Remote Learning
Are you and your child feeling unmoored as you face remote learning this fall? It may be extra challenging getting kids back into the routine of formal learning this year since it will look quite different from brick and mortar schooling. Kids may feel discombobulated because they have just experienced 6 months of erratic sleep patterns, social isolation from friends, a nontypical routine, and been a fly on the wall while the adults in their lives express fear and overwhelm at the state of the world. All this may undoubtedly affect their transition into remote learning.
At the same time children may be feeling out of whack, parents are experiencing their own set of stressors ~ fear of getting sick, concern for vulnerable family members, job loss or financial strain, endless uncertainty, disconnection from friends and extended family, the stress of increased togetherness, and a now a home learning role they weren't trained for. Suffice it to say, we are ALL feeling more or less unmoored and overwhelmed as school begins.
With Covid-19 and instability as a backdrop, your child may be responding to the start of school in a dysregulated state. Uncooperative behavior, meltdowns, and big emotions are to be expected from your child (and maybe even yourself as you manage your new role in home learning!) Do what teachers do all year long ~ attend to the social emotional needs of your child. Parents can draw from the myriad of simple strategies your child's teacher pulls from her toolbox every year to engage anxious, frustrated, and unmotivated children. Use these same tools at home with your child.
Parents can draw from these FOUR main PILLARS to create a healing response to children who have been traumatized and destabilized by the pandemic, increased family tension, and our current socio-political climate. They are ~
1. Ensuring your OWN personal wellness (because selfcare is NOT selfish!)
2. Creating predictability and fun routines,
3. Creating a strong bond with your child while ensuring their sense of safety, and
4. Helping your child regulate their emotions and behavior.
Each of these necessary pillars provides specific ways to soothe our children and regulate their nervous systems so they can become curious and enthusiastic learners this fall:
1. Ensuring your own Personal Wellness. Here are some concrete steps we parents can take to ensure we feel grounded and supported during home schooling .... because emotionally distraught adults can NEVER calm a child and help them settle into learning. Our children will need our consistent, nurturing presence to lean on this year. Choose from the list below (instead of turning to substances, Amazon purchases, pulling your hair out, or food binging to get through each week):
a. At least once per day, start by pausing and mentally scanning your body for tight spots, identify how you're feeling in that moment, and take some time to stretch, go for a walk, or tighten and then release any tension in your shoulders, jaw, chest or stomach.
b. When feeling overwhelmed, stop and reframe your negative thoughts into ones with more hope, courage, humor and strength (i.e. I can get through this last lesson by singing the directions to my daughter like a country western singer versus Geez, I hate this.) Your thoughts will affect your emotional state.
c. Set an intention to start and end each school day by putting yourself in a regulated state. Join with your child in practicing mindful breathing during the NES Moment to Pause at the beginning of each day. (Go to https://streams.thisisreboot.com/binatural/ Username: inhale@thisisreboot.com Password: justbreathe) Then, end each day reflecting on what went well (a rose), what was challenging (a thorn), and setting a positive intention for the next day, i.e. I loved working on the puzzle today with my child (rose), but I was impatient when our internet kept going out during the math lesson (thorn). Tomorrow, I'm going to email the teacher and ask for a Plan B if we continue to lose connection (intention).
d. Commit to surrounding yourself with positive friends or to asking for encouragement from school counselor Kristen Kron (303-915-9194) or Mountain Strong Families Coordinator, Ann Sherman (ann@teensinc.org). Talking with supportive friends helps build your resilience when executing your home learning role. Reach out, but if no one is around ~ look in the mirror and use positive self-talk to encourage yourself to keep going. Be your own best friend.
2. Create Predictability and fun Routines for your child. Provide your child with a daily routine they can count on. Since so many things have changed and are uncertain, attention to your child's environment will help soothe them.
a. First and foremost, get yourselves back on a regular sleeping/wake up schedule. Toddlers need 12 -14 hours of sleep/day. PreK require 10-13 hours per night, while elementary kids need 9 -12 hours/night. The link between a lack of sleep and a child's behavior isn't always obvious. Kids become hyper, disagreeable, and have extreme changes in behavior. Maintaining a regular sleep schedule will prevent many meltdowns.
b. Make the start of school a BIG DEAL for your kid. Just like before, some kids will love picking out and arranging their school supplies, getting a new school outfit, having that special breakfast on the first day, or taking their picture. These traditions can still occur. Create some new meaningful rituals too. Pick out and decorate a designated place at home for studying. Encourage your child to go out the front door, ride their bike around to the back door, and walk into "school" each day. Humans count on predictable patterns, seasonal rituals and celebrations to feel grounded in their lives.
c. Post a visual schedule each day for your child to refer to. This will help them know what is coming down the pike ~ mindfulness, the order of subjects, recess breaks, meals or snacks, dance party, etc. Include pictures of what they will be doing so younger children understand the flow of their day. Dry erase boards work well for this visual schedule.
d. Help your child look forward to a morning ritual each day as a fun way of giving them special attention and connecting with them before you both get to work. It fills their cup from the get-go every morning. Maybe this means beginning their day by snuggling in bed together while talking about the day ahead (and before your pillow fight or tickle fest). One family begins their school day with 3 traditions ~ the child reads a fun fact from National Geographic, picks a movement that the parent has to mimic, and then reviews the day's schedule. Or, you can replicate the ritual of a morning circle which might include a song, game, or a clap-happy greeting that is precious and fun.
e. Use repeated practices to slowly transition from one subject/activity to another. Let your child know in advance when they have 10 minutes left before they are switching gears. Sing one of your favorite songs as you put on shoes to go outside, or use a chime or responsive chant to refocus their attention before giving directions for the next activity "Bump diddy bump, bump...... (they reply) bump, bump". These repetitive routines for transitioning build muscle memory to help move the child from one activity to the next without a power struggle. Offering a daily checklist also gives the child something to mark off before heading to the next activity.
f. Explicitly tell your child what to expect before they need to do the assignment or activity by themselves. "When we do something new, we'll first talk it through." Pre-teach the steps until it is clear to them (ask them to repeat the steps back to you). Another way of preparing children for remote learning is to "pretend" how the school day will go. Have fun getting on a Zoom call with your child and letting them pretend to teach you. Act out scenarios and provide clear expectations so your child feels confident to meet this new style of learning.
g. Honor time for movement breaks and visits to your home calming center throughout each day. When school work seems overwhelming, snuggle on the couch for 10 minutes while listening to music or do jumping jacks every 20 minutes. These body and emotion breaks allow the child's nervous system to re-balance. Knowing there will be breaks from learning helps your child pace themselves through their assignments.
Experiment with a couple of ideas from each Pillar above (the more the merrier your child will be). Then, STAY TUNED next week for Part Two of "Simple Strategies for Creating Sanity during Remote Learning."
We'll cover two additional Pillars ~ (3) Creating and maintaining strong bonds with your child and (4) Helping your child self-regulate. WE CAN DO THIS!
