Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Stress Relief during Quarantine



How to Cook a Frozen Pizza on the Barbecue


Feeling Overwhelmed while at-home 24/7 with your kids?  

Those feelings of overwhelm and anxiety are part of our body's survival mechanism.  They are there to protect us and call us to action.  When the stress alarm is triggered in our brain, our older (more emotional and reactive) brain takes over.  That means the newer (more logical, compassionate, and creative brain) is put on hold.  This can make it hard to problem-solve with our children.  

When the stress alarm is triggered in us, a series of neuro-chemicals are dumped into the body to help us survive!   Your body speeds up.  Your system cools down.  Your muscles tighten up and get ready to fight.  You get extra oxygen to the bloodstream.  Your body shuts down unnecessary systems (i.e. digestion).  All this stuff makes you capable of incredible things for a short burst of time.  But if we don't use that burst of energy to "fight or flee" from something, the chemicals build up in our body.  And we feel stressed out.

"I know I'm not being the best parent I can be right now.  But I just feel so overwhelmed."

Fear is infectious during a pandemic.  Sometimes we wake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  But more often fear comes up as stress.  Worry.  Anxiety.  Overwhelm.  Anger.  Perfectionism.  Crankiness.   Over-eating.  Doom-surfing.   Or trying to control everything,  says Dr. Laura Markham from ahaparenting.com

If we let fear have its way with us, it steals our joy, our resourcefulness, our ability to be fully present.  We aren't the parents we want to be, says Markham.  

But you don't have to let fear control you, even during these difficult times.  You can acknowledge it, and then say "Thank you, Fear.  I've got this.  You can take a break."

Then take charge of your fear, with some Simple Daily Habits that help you stay centered.   These seven habits don't have to take a lot of time, but they will reliably help you feel more energized, more calm, and less overwhelmed.  

Parents are overwhelmed – here's how we can all help | Parent Zone


1.  Give Yourself a Break.  
        When you feel overwhelmed, it means your internal resources don't feel adequate to manage all the incoming demands.  So stop demanding so much of yourself.  You are under unprecedented pressure right now.  Don't add to that by expecting yourself to become a terrific teacher or take up a new hobby.  Keeping your family healthy, food on the table, and your own mood emotionally generous is your priority.  Your children need your good cheer much more than they need you to educate them.

2.  Move!
       Exercise changes your body chemistry to boost your mood, give you energy, and reduce the feeling of stress.  But you need to do more than make dinner and pick up after everyone.  Have a dance party with your family; put on an exercise video for the family, or get your children laughing with a roughhousing game.  Schedule this in to be sure you get to it at least once daily. 

3. Daily mindfulness practice.
      This is no longer considered a luxury practice for the folks with leisure time; it is essential to manage the stress that goes with living through a pandemic.  Your practice can be very simple, such as a short guided mediation or a yoga routine.  Start each morning with this 9 minute Meditation for Stressful Times

4. Connect.
      You're in quarantine, but you don't need to feel isolated.  Research shows that connection reduces stress.  Structure opportunities to warmly connect with each person with whom you live.  If you have more than one child, find time alone with each of them every day.  In addition, reach out via phone or video to someone who you care about but can't be with in person.  If you're feeling stressed, find a "listening partner" who will let you blow off steam without judging or trying to fix you; and return the favor for them.  And if a listening partner is hard to find, you can chat with an encouraging counselor from TEENS, Inc (970) 363-4945 every afternoon, Monday - Fridays from 1:00 - 4:00 pm.  

A Father's Guide to Managing Stress at Home
5.  Reduce incoming stressors.
       That means news and social media, if they increase your stress level.  And how could they not?  It also means that you need some time to yourself, every day.  See if you can build a hot bath into your day after the kids are asleep, some quiet time on the front porch, a chance to read, or something nourishing into each day.  
  
        
6. Nurture yourself.
      Managing your mood gets easier when you set up your environment to support you.  For instance, play music that soothes you.  Cook food that smells good and helps you feel healthy.  Write in a journal ~ you are living through history!   Stop doom-surfing and get yourself to bed as early as possible. If there were ever a time for self-care, this is it!  Make two lists of things that nurture you; the first that you can do while your children are with you, and the second that you can do on your own.  Then do as many of them as you can, every day!  Even if it seems to take energy to get started, they'll end up energizing you.


7.  Extend Grace.
       When we are cooped up together, it's easy to get on each other's nerves.  But collecting resentments will make you feel more stressed.  And when you gather enough kindling, you'll usually end up with a firestorm.  So choose to be emotionally generous whenever you can.  (That means put any frustrating incidents on a list to solve later, but in the moment, let them go.)
     Research on couples shows that when we're upset, it's impossible to work things out constructively.  In other words, when you're angry is NOT the time to talk about what's bothering you.  So when you get upset, first take responsibility to calm yourself.  A Magic Wand to Manage Your Stress offers a 4-Step Process that you can use to return yourself to calm any time you get angry.  When you notice that your mood is cranky, ask yourself what you need.  Five minutes to yourself?  More sleep?  Give it to yourself now, or make a plan to give it to yourself later.
     Also consider what thoughts are contributing to your cranky mood, and find antidotes.  For instance,  "I can't stand this for another whole month!" might become "I can manage this right now, and take one day at a time."


This is a hard time, there's no way around that.  But you can choose to act in ways that will make you a better parent and a healthier person, especially if you take responsibility to give yourself support.  What's a pandemic for, if not to grow into the best versions of  ourselves?  You've got this.

How to Help Kids Worried About 'Bad Thoughts'

Here are a few stress-reducing activities to try when your children seem on overload too: 

(from GoZen.com)

a.  Reverse the stress alarm with deep breathing.  This takes your nervous system from "fight or flight" to "rest and digest."  Have your child imagine breathing in and inflating a balloon inside of their belly.  Teach them to breathe in through their nose for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and breathe back out of their mouth for 8 seconds.

b.  Kick the logical brain into gear.  Anxiety skews one's perception of risk.  Re-engage their logical brain with a writing exercise.  Have your child get out a piece of paper and write down the issue causing them worry.  Next, have them write down their imagined  worst case scenario, the best scenario, and the most likely outcome.  This helps them gain perspective.

c.  Create gratitude time.  Help your child express gratitude for everything going right.  This is great practice to try right before bed and first thing in the morning.  Gratitude is associated with better sleep, increased determination, more focused attention, enthusiasm and energy.  Gratitude exercises are also correlated with a decrease in anxiety and depression.  

d.  You can find more stress-reducing activities in the BrainWise Social Emotional lessons assigned to your child this week in Ms. Ann's Google Classroom.  

Love is… | Jason Stadtlander


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