Making the Most of Family Togetherness over Winter Break.

          The younger kids (K-1) have been learning to identify their emotions by listening to the messages their bodies are  sending them and observing the facial expressions of others.  Developing self-awareness is crucial before we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and respond compassionately to them.  Ask your child where in their body they feel an emotion when they are frustrated, disappointed, excited, or scared.   A converted game of Candy Land taught students skills of emotional self-regulation while practicing wise Wizard brain responses this week.  Please contact me at an@teensinc.org if you would like a copy to play over the winter break. 

     The older students in 2^nd -5^th grade have been developing collective “Acts of Kindness.  Ms. Ness’ class is doing chores for family members, or perhaps serving them breakfast in bed.  Ms. Lee’s class is performing jokes for the preschoolers.  Ms. Albright’s class is showing gratitude to their teachers and celebrating with a party.  Ms. Vosteen’s class decorated the school with positive and inspirational messages.  Ms. Beauvineau’s class is expressing gratitude to kitchen staff/office workers/custodians/ and community members.  Ms. Theodorakos’ class is serving as reading buddies for the first grade.  Ms. Forrest’s class is decorating the cafeteria into a winter wonderland.   The excitement of creating and planning an activity that benefits others filled the school.  Helping children learn the joy of giving is a powerful lesson in empathy.  Kindness is infectious.  Compassion is contagious.  See if your children can continue to find ways to “give of themselves” over the break. 

     As we enter winter break, kids (and adults) may suddenly be left with either tons of unstructured time or overstimulating environments.  Many children begin to melt down and act out.  Here are some suggestions that may ease your family through the festivities and long days:

1.        Encourage your children to breathe slowly and deeply when they are feeling overwhelmed.  Take 5 minutes to practice pushing the RESET button before plowing ahead into the next activity.  Breathe with them – you’ll love how it calms yourself down too.

2.       Help children check in with their bodies to see if they are tired or hungry.  Late night festivities and lots of sweets can leave children grouchy.  Try to keep a regular routine for healthy eating and sleeping so their bodies and emotions aren’t taxed to the limit.

3.       Take time to lay on the floor and do a whole body relaxation exercise with your children.  Tighten each muscle from toe to head for 7 seconds and then release while breathing out.  Then tighten your entire body and release it by shaking your arms and legs as you walk around.   It is amazing how much tension we all carry around with us that can be lessened with intentional practices. 

4.       Set time limits for using technology.  Don’t let technology babysit your child for more than an hour or two per day.  Endless screen time creates crabby children.   Being “bored” forces children to come up with creative and imaginative activities.  Provide suggestions and materials to stimulate their creative side.

5.       Find ways to nurture yourself.  Exercise.  Plan a date night.  Connect with other families.  Laugh and share while you ignore the piles of laundry, layers of dust, and accumulating emails. 

6.       Schedule some down time each day to read, listen to music, color a mandala, do a family puzzle together.   Too much interaction can be overstimulating.   We all need time to refuel and refill our cups. 

 Our nervous systems sometimes need to be slowed down.  Other times they need ramped up for us to feel in balance.  Be aware of the amount of stimulation and relaxation that are woven throughout each day.  Take steps to move and awaken your bodies, or to relax them, as you journey through the winter break together.   

Enjoy!   We can’t wait to see you and your children again in the New Year!

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator

720-561-4861     ann@teensinc.org

Does Winter Break leave you exhausted, stressed out, and broke!?

     Winter Break is filled with high expectations, increased family time, and temperatures that often give us cabin fever.  How can we head into the break or the holiday season purposely choosing to enjoy it more; to be present and relaxed with our family instead of busy and tense?   Here are a few suggestions that might help families celebrate their increased togetherness (even on a shoe string budget):

1.        Rethink that crazy To-Do List:    Take a deep breath and just do one thing at a time.  Put your entire attention on that task until it is finished, then switch.  Enjoy each activity fully while you are doing it.  Being mindfully attuned to one task increases performance and reduces your stress level, says Kristin Race from Mindful Life.  Then give yourself permission to say “no” to activities that don’t really fill your cup.  If you are less stressed, your children will also be less likely to fight and argue.  It’s all about Doing less and Being more.

2.       Change up your Traditions:  Our brains are hardwired to seek out novelty.  New experiences give us a joyful dopamine hit, so if your holiday traditions are stale, change them up, say the folks at Mindful Life.  Dare your children to wear their matching holiday pajamas from grandma to a busy coffee shop for spiced apple cider.  Make awkward family photos for next year’s card.  Create a scavenger hunt for your children’s gift (even if it is a pair of socks!).  They will remember the hunt long after the present is forgotten.  Be silly and spontaneous. 

3.       Random Acts of Kindness:  Performing acts of kindness is the secret sauce of holiday stress reduction.  Kindness decreases depression, reduces anxiety, boosts oxytocin, makes us feel more connected, and even lowers blood pressure.  So buy presents for a family in need, shovel off a neighbor’s sidewalk, feed the parking meter of a shopping stranger, or let someone go in front of you in line at the shipping store.  Find acts you can do all around your neighborhood or community.  Generate ideas with your kids and get them involved in the acts.

4.       Simply Enjoy the Magic of Winter:  Going back to simple pleasures makes each day of the winter break special and fun.   Make a list of one fun thing you will do each day as a family--Make a fort in the living room out of every pillow and blanket in the house.  String popcorn while playing upbeat music and then hang it outside for the squirrels.  Collect fresh snow in a bowl and drizzle with maple syrup for a treat.  Smear peanut butter on a large pinecone, then sprinkle with bird seed and hang in the trees.    Play flashlight hide and seek in the evening.  Go sledding with your kids and make snow angels.  Decide to have a “no tech Tuesday” or an “Electricity went out Wednesday” and pull out the board games, candles, and family stories to share.  Check out some audio books from the library and listen to them while sipping hot cocoa by the woodstove.  See what free children’s activities are being offered at the local library.  Make homemade playdough and create shapes while it is still warm (Heat 1 cup water, 1 Tbsp. oil, ½ cup salt, 1 Tbsp. cream of tartar & food coloring in saucepan until warm.  Remove from heat and stir in 1 cup flour.  Knead until smooth.)  Roll up a brown paper bag so it sets on your head and decorate with colorful paper and shapes for a New Year’s hat.  Spend hours cutting up paper for confetti to throw at noon instead of midnight on Dec 31^st.  Crank up the tunes and dance together.   Have the kids create a play and costumes with some of your clothing.   Take a night hike and look for stars.  Ignore the rush to consumerism.  Buy less.  Be more.

5.       Gifting with more Meaning:   Encourage your children to include a statement of appreciation for the recipient of each gift they give.  Have fun cutting open brown paper bags and walking across them with painted feet or hands to use as wrapping paper.  Relatives appreciate seeing the homemade paper of loved ones far away.

Your playful and relaxed presence is the best gift you can give your children.

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES

720-561-4861   ann@teensinc.org

Teaching Children to be Kind, Grateful, and see the Good

          Our brain is 3 to 5 times more sensitive to negative information than to positive.  This is a survival mechanism that helped humans to survive (i.e. it was more important to be aware of poisonous snakes than to stop and smell the beautiful flowers.)  Today, we may not have the same threats to our survival yet our brain is still built to pay more attention to negative input and to lock itself in a survival mode.  When we are locked in chronic survival mode, it is harder to learn, harder to get along with others, and harder to be creative and thoughtful when we solve problems.

     When we intentionally pay attention to the positive things in our life, we strengthen the neural pathways associated with those positive memories.  The more frequently the pathways are used, the more our brain likes to use those pathways, increasing positive thoughts and lessening our focus on negative experiences.    When we intentionally do Acts of Kindness for others, the “feel good” chemicals in our brain (serotonin and dopamine) increase. 

     Mindfulness is being acutely aware of yourself, your feelings and body, your surroundings, and others.  Each morning, NES students begin the day practicing mindful breathing.  This helps us focus on the present rather than any negative memories from the past or worries about the future.  Deep breathing is used again throughout the day to help balance the nervous system.   Students have spent the last month doing community service projects, being grateful, doing acts of kindness and affirming one another during BrainWise social emotional lessons.    Classes are discussing and demonstrating the many ways we can show caring toward others, and how doing and saying kind things can make both us and others feel good. 

     To grow positive neural pathways in our children, and to build empathy and compassion for others, here are a few ideas you may want to reinforce at home:

1.       Ask your child how they helped a classmate “have a good day” with an Act of Kindness?  “Feel good” chemicals in the brain are released when we do kind things for others, when we notice kind things are done for us, and when we witness kind acts being done around us (even if we aren’t the recipient). 

2.      Model Acts of Kindness during your daily activities and talk with your child specifically about how and why the act benefits the person. 

3.      Acknowledge the small stuff.  When we practice Mindfulness, it helps us be present in our relationships and pay attention to our environment.  When you are with your children, be intentional about noticing the beautiful flowers, bright blue sky, or the helpful person who held the door open for you. 

4.      Find the Good in life on a daily basis.  Make a gratitude jar with your kids.  Find a container and let the kids decorate it.  Cut out pieces of scratch paper and put them in a convenient place so that family members can write down or draw things they feel grateful for and place the paper in the jar.  Then, open the jar once a week or once a month and read what everyone has written.

5.      Express Affirmations for each other.  When it is someone’s birthday, go around the table and express what everyone appreciates about that person.  This may be the best present they ever receive.  This can also be done as a weekly family ritual to appreciate the positive attributes in each other. 

6.      Brainstorm ways your family can do kind things for others in your neighborhood or community.  Participate in a community service project as a family. 

7.      Want more ideas from Mindfulness author, Kristen Race, Ph. D.?  Listen to her Ted Talk for Generation X Parents --https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRND5IU3Qg    Race offers more suggestions to help families thrive rather than just survive in our fast paced, stressful world. 

Ann Sherman

 Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES     

Parenting in a Divisive Political Climate

     As educators, who work with your children every day, we know this is a difficult time to explain the divisiveness in our country and address your child’s emotional well being.  BVSD has compiled a list of helpful resources.  Feel free to contact me if you would like access to additional resources for working through feelings and thoughts with your child.  Below is an article that might help you prepare for whatever conversation you want to have.  

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor at NES/Parenting Matters Coordinator TEENS, Inc

HOW TO TALK WITH CHILDREN ABOUT THE US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION from Aha! Parenting Blog

"Dr. Laura....I have always told my children to include everyone in their play, to treat everyone with respect, not to bully or call people Stupid or lie or expect special treatment. Today I wonder how to explain to them the results of the United States Presidential election."

This was such an acrimonious election that no matter who won, half the population would probably have felt the apocalypse had arrived. Now those of us who live or work with children have a responsibility to help them process what has happened. That can feel impossible, when we're still trying to process it ourselves.

No matter who you supported for president, Mr. Trump's election may bring up questions and concerns for your child, who may have heard of the president-elect speaking and acting in ways that frighten them, or that they have been told not to act themselves.

So if you supported Mr. Trump, you'll probably want to share with your child that you voted for him because of the change you hope his election could bring to our country, but that you don't support everything that he does and says, and why. 

If you didn't support him, you can explain why, without demonizing the people who did. And you can talk about the long and honorable history of peaceful social protest in this country, and the moral obligation to protect those who need it.

Each of us must be the change we want to see in our country, and model for our children how to participate responsibly in a democracy.

Here are three suggestions for talking with your child. But most important of all, before you start talking, get as centered as you can. Going into a discussion with your child while you feel frightened or despairing will only communicate your upset. So do whatever centers you -- meditate, breathe, spend a few minutes in nature. Then, you can be there for your child, and you can access your deeper wisdom instead of your fear.

1. Your child needs, most of all, to feel safe.

Children will struggle to put this election into the context of their lives. They will wonder what it "means" -- as do many adults. How you explain what it "means" will depend on your world view, but we need to remember that a child's developmental work is about intimate personal challenges, rather than global ones. Children deserve protection from adult fears and struggles. Adam Gopnik, one of my favorite writers, says: "The comings and goings of politics and political actions in our lives must not be allowed to dominate our daily existence...If we emphasize to our children the necessities of community, ongoing life, daily pleasures, and shared enterprises, although we may not defeat the ogres of history, we can hope to remain who we are in their face."

Einstein once said that the most important decision we make is whether we live in a friendly universe. You can assume this election has undermined that confidence in your child. The whole process has been anxiety producing for many adults, but even more so for children, who feel even more powerless and frightened in the face of news and discussion they can't understand. So regardless of your own worries, your job is to be the grownup and reassure your child that your family is safe and that you will always keep your child safe, no matter what. 

I've heard from families of immigrants who are concerned about their children's future. I know that reassuring your family will be more challenging given your situation, and my heart goes out to you. But I think you can still promise that you will keep your child safe, even if you don't know exactly what the future holds.

  2. Ask what your child has heard, and what he or she thinks.

Do a lot of listening to identify any worries or feelings that your child may be struggling with. Don't be surprised if your child has heard things that scare her, or has misinterpreted things you've said. For instance, your child may worry that your family will have to leave the United States, or will lose your health care. 

You can open the discussion simply. "Did you hear anything about the election today at school?" or "I mentioned at breakfast that our country elected a new president, but we didn't really get to talk about it. What do you think about it?"

Then, repeat what you hear your child say. Ask more questions. Acknowledge any feelings he or she expresses. "I hear you're tired of talking about the election. I'm tired of it too. It made me feel worried for a long time. Did it make you feel worried?"

You may not know how to answer all of your child's questions. That's okay. Just tell your child you don't know, and that you will find out. But don't underestimate the power of simply listening to your child's concerns. As TeacherTom says, "In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers."

 3. Explain and answer questions simply, at the developmental level of the child. 

Preschoolers:

"In our country everybody gets to vote. Many people felt the government was not listening to them and did not care about them. So they voted for someone who promised to fix their problems. What do you think?"

"On the playground, the kids say he's a 'bad guy.'"

"Well, you know that there are really no bad guys. Every one us has "bad" feelings and "good" feelings inside. What matters is which feelings we act on. Right? So you might want to hurt someone but you choose to use your words instead."

"But some words are bad. The new president calls people Stupid. You won't let me call people Stupid."

"You're right. In our family, we don't call people names. You can tell someone what makes you mad without calling names."

"How come the president can call people Stupid?"

"I hope he won't keep doing that now that he is president. Remember, all of us feel that way sometimes -- like we want to call names. But we always have a choice about how to act. We can always choose to act kindly. "

School-age kids: 

You can use the same approach as with preschoolers, but go into deeper discussion. Kids this age are often concerned about fairness and have a simplistic approach to solving problems. Always give kids hope that they can have an impact. When children feel there is nothing they can do about a situation, they end up feeling cynical and angry. When they feel there is something, anything, they can do to make a difference, they feel empowered.  

 "Do girls have to be a 10, like the new president says?"

"No, I think that's a ridiculous idea. What matters about both girls and boys is that they try to do the right thing and be kind. You know I voted for the new president because I really did not like Secretary Clinton, but women can do anything men can do."

or, if your child knows that you voted against President-elect Trump:

"But it's not fair he got elected! You said you didn't like him!"

"I don't like the things he has said and done. But in a democracy, everyone gets to vote. The person you want won't always win. That's why it's so important to get out and vote in every election."

"Why bother, when you don't win?!"

"The vote was very close -- in fact, the other candidate, Secretary Clinton, actually won more votes. But the U.S. has a system called the Electoral College, where the states get a certain number of votes, and Mr. Trump won more states with more votes, so he won the election. Many people think we should get rid of the Electoral College and just use the popular vote. Maybe when you grow up, you'll work on changing the election system."

"Since we don't like the new president, can't someone just kill him?"

"Well, there was a time in human history when people just killed other people they did not agree with. But when we solve problems by killing off our enemies, it always ends up resulting in the strongest people hurting other people to get their own way. So over many thousands of years, humans have evolved political systems that allow us to have elections, instead of having physical fights. It's a much better way of solving problems!"

"Well, I don't like him. If I see any of his signs, I will tear them up!"

"I understand getting upset when you disagree with someone. But of course, they might think our opinions are wrong or harmful, too. So in a democracy it's important that we are able to stay civil and listen, even when we disagree with someone. Just like in our family, we can always find a way to say what we need or stand up for what we believe without attacking the other person."

 Preteens and Teens will probably have a lot of opinions, and it's a perfect opportunity to talk about values.

"The new president says he's going to build a wall and send people like my friend Maria back to Mexico. Why did you vote for him?"

"I supported him because I think he will bring jobs back to this country, but that doesn't mean I agree with everything he says. I certainly don't like the idea that he would send your friend away, but I think our country has basic protections that would mean he can't really do that."

"But some people who voted for him must have liked the idea of a wall."

"Some people said they felt like they have been standing in line a long time, waiting, and got mad because they thought other people were cutting the line. They see immigrants as cutting the line -- even if that isn't true. You know our family were immigrants too, once."

"How can he be president? Didn't he do bad things to women?"

"Yes, Mr. Trump admitted in an interview to grabbing women's breasts and vulvas, and kissing them on the mouth, without their permission. Obviously this behavior is very disrespectful to women, and it is also a crime against the women he assaulted."

"Ew, gross! Did he really do it?"

"Nobody knows. The stories seem to be true because some of the women told other people at the time the events happened, years ago. But Mr. Trump said he was just bragging in that interview and did not do the things he claimed. He said that was just the kind of talk that men do in locker rooms, when only men are around. What do you think about that?"

"It seems weird he would brag about hurting women."

"I agree. And as your dad, I want you to know that I have never had that kind of conversation and I would never do that kind of thing. I think there may have been a time when men did talk that way, but I am happy to say that times have changed and men can't get away with that kind of behavior any more."

"But why did people vote for someone who said things like that?"

"They told reporters* that they think the American economy only takes care of the rich and powerful, and that Trump was the only one listening to them; the only one who would change things. I think people are scared and worried about their kids' futures, and they voted for the person they think will change things."

"Why are they worried about their kids? My teacher says that anyone in America can work hard and grow up to be whatever you want, even president."

"In the past, children could usually be more successful than their parents if they worked hard, but that often isn't true any more. In the last generation, policy changes have restructured the tax code and dismantled the New Deal and made it hard for unions. That concentrated lots more money in the hands of a small number of people at the top, so ordinary people don't make as much money and there are fewer middle class families."

"Is it true that the government wasn't listening to them?"

"Well, we don't have good campaign finance laws like some countries, so most politicians in the US are rich, so they don't understand the pressures on ordinary people. They listen a lot to their rich donors. Maybe when you get older, you'll get involved politically, to help ordinary people have more voice in government."

"The new president said Muslims shouldn't be allowed to come into the U.S. because they might be terrorists. Is that true?" 

"Immigrants to the U.S. go through a thorough screening process. Muslims who come to the U.S. are just like my great-grandparents from Ireland -- they want a better life. You know, when Irish people like your ancestors first came to the U.S., they couldn't get jobs. Now we are just Americans like everyone else. I hope that will happen soon for Muslims."

"But do the people who voted for the new president believe all those things he said?"

"I sure hope not. A lot of people who voted for Mr. Trump voted for President Obama last time. So I don't think that everyone who voted for Mr. Trump shares all his views, any more than they shared all President Obama's views. I think that when people are scared of the other candidate, they make allowances for their candidate. Just like I did not think that whole issue of Secretary Clinton's emails was a big deal; the people who voted for Mr. Trump probably decided that some of the things he said and did were not a big deal."

"But what if the new president does the scary things he said he would do?"

"Don't worry. The president can't just do whatever he wants. We have a whole system of laws and courts to make sure of that. So he can't actually do many of the things he said he would. And the good thing about our country is that we're allowed to protest and organize when we don't agree. If we need to, our family will join protests to protect the human rights and civil rights that make this country what it is."

"But our family doesn't believe the things he said, do we? Even though he's president?"

"You know, when someone else says something that feels wrong to you, that's an opportunity to get in touch with your own inner compass. So you have to decide for yourself what you believe. But I'll tell you what I believe. All people deserve to be treated with fairness and respect. I hope I will always find the strength to stand up against bigotry and racism and sexism and any other way that people try to build themselves up by making someone else feel small."

"That's what you always tell me bullies do. But bullies shouldn't win!"

"I think history shows us that sometimes they do. But as Martin Luther King said, 'The arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice.' He meant for us to keep working to make the world a place of more love and tolerance and fairness, no matter what. Let's think of ways our family can do that."

***

*Seventy-two percent of Americans who voted said they believed that “the economy is rigged to the advantage of the rich and powerful.” Sixty-eight percent agreed that “traditional parties and politicians don’t care about people like me.”

Managing Post Election Stress within your Family

In the aftermath of this divisive election, I started thinking about the upcoming national holiday and who will be sitting around my table sharing a Thanksgiving meal:   

     **My sweet uncle from Virginia is a farmer and a devout Christian with a conservative approach to all social and fiscal issues.  He is most notably a hardworking and dedicated family man. 

     **My brother in-law from Georgia works in corporate America, is a gay married man, who is currently healing from stage 3 cancer.  He heartily supports liberal social causes like universal healthcare.

     **My mother is an 86 year old woman with dementia living in assisted living.  Back in her day as a 1960’s homemaker, she quietly fought in the Civil Rights Movement and for women’s issues.  She relies on Social Security and Medicare payments to help with increasing healthcare needs. 

     **My cousin owns a small business in a rural Indiana.  He is proud grandpa to a severely disabled grandson, a man of integrity, and a sports fanatic with a wry smile.  He has never wavered from voting for the Republican party. 

     **My college-aged daughter, who voted for the first time, is bilingual  and wants to work with English Language learners.  She is worried about her economic future and mounting college debt. 

     ** My father in law who likes to tell off color jokes but never bothered to vote, along with a couple of  his disillusioned African American son in laws who just want to know if their lives matter at all .

     Among my other extended family members, there are both wealthy doctors and welfare queens, working class craftsmen and high powered consultants, nappy headed nieces and nephews and properly coiffed southern women, Millennials that feel the Bern, anxious Southern Dixicrats, folks with post college degrees and high school dropouts, the Christian Right, the Christian Left, some questioning atheists,  ardent evangelicals, and a few dancing Pagans.  There are easterners and westerners, Rust Belt Midwesterners, southerners and northerners.  We are a rag tag collection of humanity with extreme differences when it comes to religious and political ideology-- not unlike the complicated mix within our nation.  And on Thanksgiving, we will sit down, hold hands and give thanks for our blessings and for the love that binds us together even in these polarizing times.  We may differ about how to solve the problems of our time, but we do not disagree that there is a stronger force that binds us together.  It may be a quiet table, but we will be sitting side by side. 

     If we are honest with ourselves, I dare say most of us have an extended family that houses a diverse reflection of our society.  If we can find it in our hearts to listen and ask questions about why everyone voted for who they did, to really listen to uncover the human needs and emotions underlying our politics, to nurture our inner calm and control our words as we interact with one another, maybe we can model on a familial level what our nation needs to do grand scale; never forgetting the person you love underneath the policies that they endorse. 

     Here are some suggestions from the American Psychological Association for addressing your mental health and social relationships in this political era:

1.       Feel free to scream – just don’t do it in public.  Not a screamer?  Aerobic activity, which releases feel-good endorphins, is a good way to shed some angst.

2.      Practice acceptance – Even if you don’t like the situation, say to yourself “this is the way it is and I’m going to move forward.”

3.      Take action –Decide what you can do to make a difference.  Volunteer with a group that supports an issue you care about.  Focus on what you can control—spread kindness in your community.

4.      Create an exit plan – Have a strategy that lets you gracefully exit any anxiety-provoking political conversation, politely change the topic or ably defuse tension.  Say something like, “We’ve got to take this one day at a time,”  agree to disagree on a subject, or offer your own post-election stress-relieving tips. 

5.      Heed your early-warning signs – Pay attention to your body and your brain.  If you start to think, ‘This person is an idiot’, recognize that it is only going to escalate.  There are signs when we start to get worked up, such as a tight throat, a dry mouth, a tight back, a fast beating heart, or a shrill voice, so know your triggers.

6.      Manage your exposure – If certain in-person conversations, social media posts or TV outlets fuel aggravation or depression within yourself, then avoid those or consciously limit your exposure.

7.      Think broadly – Try to understand that people are not crazy just because they supported the other side.  It doesn’t make them a villain.  Practice kindness and being empathetic to them even if you don’t agree with their thoughts. 

8.      Build a support system – It is okay to vent, but do it in a healthy, self-controlled way.  Make sure you are talking to other people who you think are positive and support you.

9.      Slow down and self-soothe – This is an ideal time to practice mindfulness.  Too woo-woo for you?  Then employ other relaxation methods such as listening to soothing music, lying in the sun or even riding a motorcycle, if that is what brings you some inner peace.  Tame your Lizard Brain.

1     Be thankful – Think of what you are grateful for, even if it is just small things.  When you feed your brain with positive information, you feel better.

1     Get some perspective – Turn on a comedy, go for a walk, be with your animals, watch children play.  Do something to get out of that silo.  Help yourself realize that life will go on.  It may go on differently, but it will go on.

1     Model good behavior – This is the opportunity to show children how to deal with strong feelings.  We can teach kids to be a gracious loser or a humble winner.  We can also set examples for each other with positive ways to cope.  We feel better when we help others, so pick your audience and lend a hand!

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor at NES & Parenting Matters Coordinator TEENS, Inc

How Mindful Gratitude helps lower our Stress levels

    This week, your child is learning about the Vagus Nerve which runs from the brain stem to the heart, lungs, and on down to the abdominal region.  This nerve is semi-responsible for regulating heart rate, breathing rate, and digestion.  This major superhighway of nerves helps the body regulate its stress response.

     When we are stressed, resources from our deeper organs are diverted to our muscles, and from our higher cognitive function to the ‘reptilian’, reactionary LIZARD portion of our brain.  Adrenaline and cortisol are released to help us quickly escape the danger we are in (like pushing the accelerator in a car).  This burst of chemicals is designed to last no more than a half hour.   However, this flight or fight reaction is repeatedly being activated by the excessive demands of school and work, by political and economic instability, and the bombardment of nonstop social media and screen time.   The rate of reported stress and anxiety seems to be increasing in our culture, especially among teens. 

     Stress and anxiety can cause any number of mental health issues, which can in turn lead to physical health issues (for instance substance abuse and heart disease).    Ideally, what should happen is that one portion of our nervous system receives a message from the Vagus Nerve and naturally applies the brakes to emergency messages of stress.  Our bodies and minds then smoothly return to the healthy activities of digesting food, healing injuries, and processing experiences after a stressful event.  But, instead, a stressful reaction that is supposed to last mere minutes before being drained out by physical exertion is lasting for hours, days, weeks, even months.  This is damaging to our bodies.  Instead of returning to a calm state, we get stuck in knee-jerk reactions to our lives and world.

     New studies show that by practicing Mindfulness, we can help trigger the Vagus Nerve to initiate this restful and digestive counter reaction in our bodies.  We can de-stress by slowing our breathing rate and focusing our attention.  When we do this, our Vagus Nerve notes that things must be calm and sends a message allowing our reptilian brain to relax.  The ability to locate and work with our Vagus Nerve is just as effective in calming our mind and body as taking a sedative.  When our nervous system relaxes, and is in balance, we are capable of deeper thought.   Your child has learned to call this deeper, creative thinking which occurs in our pre-frontal cortex as their wise WIZARD BRAIN.

   In addition, researchers have found that when we think about someone or something we truly appreciate; our heart rate slows.  The feelings that come with GRATITUDE trigger calm in our Nervous System.  This week during BrainWise lessons, children paused to remember people, animals, and places that they are grateful for.  They touched the Vagus Nerve which runs from their heart to their stomach while breathing deeply and reflecting on their happy memories.  McCullough et al., (2001) found that children who practice daily self-guided exercises in gratitude have higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy.    

    So, it is fitting that during the month of November, as our nation celebrates the Thanksgiving Holiday, we too will practice being grateful and recognizing the mental, physical health, and educational benefits of this regular practice. 

** Thanks to Anne Green, author of The Science of Your Center: The Vagus Nerve, Your Meditation Highway, and the Parasympathetic Nervous System; How Meditation Works Positively on the Body.          

 Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor at NES,    ann@teensinc.org

Make A Difference Month at Nederland Elementary!

     How do we learn to constructively work through our emotions?  How do we learn to be compassionate and empathetic toward others?   These are learned behaviors.  And the lessons flowed through the last few weeks at Nederland Elementary School. 

    At this time of year as we wander through the mountains, the stalks are dry and the seeds are beginning to burst in the October wind.  All NES students hiked through the woods during PE class and collected native grass and flower seeds.   These gifts of seeds will be given to families whose yards were impacted by the Cold Spring fire. 

    Second and third grade students traveled to Ridge Road to learn more about how the forest rejuvenates itself after a fire.     For instance, Irene Shonle, Gilpin County Extension agent, told how the ponderosa pinecones require fire and heat to burst open and take hold in the forest.  Different animals and plants will find homes in the forest now that more sunshine dances across the landscape.  There is hope that the forest will live on. 

     Hansen Wendlandt, shared stories about how humans helped clean up and beautify an area.   A range of human emotions such as numbness, anxiety, anger, and sadness were cited as normal reactions to the forest fire.  Many of the children could relate to feeling these emotions in reaction to the fire.  Learning to identify their emotions and work through them is a process students are working on in their weekly BrainWise classes. 

     Mike O’Neil, local homeowner, smiled as the children planted Rocky Mountain Bee plant seeds in his burnt yard.  This plant is particularly resilient in disturbed areas and will bloom next summer—attracting bees, hummingbirds, and other pollinators to rejuvenate the area.  Nearby neighbor, Mary Joyce, beamed as she helped the students plant seeds with care.  Music teacher, Susan Jones, accompanied the students as they sang about “planting seeds of peace, love, and joy in their world.”

     Children need reassurance from adults that they will be safe when tragedies hit close to home.  They also need concrete ways to give back to their community and feel empowered after they have felt hopeless and scared.  They learned that “If you think you are too small to Make A Difference, try sleeping with a mosquito!”  Even young children can make a difference.

     NES students will gather this Friday for a Gratitude Celebration with local fire fighters and rescue personnel.    You may hear the sirens and shouts as they wave their signs and recognize the folks who have kept us safe.    We have strong feelings.  We care deeply about our community and the woods.  We are finding ways to feel, to care, and to give thanks for all that we have!  

         

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator.     ann@teensinc.org

Developing Social Skills to keep children SAFE, STRONG, and FREE!

     Last week, CAP counselors met with classes to build safety skills in the event of bullying situations, unsafe strangers, or sexual assault encounters.   To learn more about Child Assault Prevention, please visit www.FrontRangeCAP.org and look for the Parent Resources tab.  

     CAP doesn’t frighten children with horror stories.  But we know that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 4 boys in the U.S> are sexually assaulted at least once before the age of 18.  CAP was founded on the idea that teaching children strategies such as peer support, self-assertion, and adult support increases a child’s resources for dealing with potentially dangerous situations, and hopefully preventing them from occuring.   CAP also recognizes the role of families in preventing assault & held an informative presentation at NES in advance of meeting with children.

   If you missed the parenting program, here are a few suggestions that were discussed:

1.       Have your child hold up their hand and count on their fingers as you help them brainstorm a list of five trusted adults in their life that they could turn to whenever problems occur in their lives.  BrainWise curriculum refers to these adults as Stars in their personal Constellation of Support.  Consider wise, caring adults in their family, school, church, or neighborhood who will advise and protect them. 

2.      Help children practice mindfully noticing the emotional messages their bodies send to them every day.  When their stomach gets queasy, their muscles tighten, heart rate increases, legs shake, or they begin to sweat, these are Red Flag Warnings telling them to identify their emotion and find ways to address the cause of it.   In BrainWise lessons, children are learning tools for self-regulating their stress, anger, and grief, but if they are in a dangerous situation, these body messages are also a signal to get help from an adult. 

3.      Help children practice using Assertive Communication and I-messages in all situations.  Coach children to reframe aggressive words or restate passive reactions into strong, clear messages. 

4.      Develop a sleepover safety plan with your child.  Always give your child an out if they are feeling uncomfortable.  Let them know that if they call you, you will come and get them. 

5.      Predators can tell if a child has been educated and if parents are paying attention to where their child is, who they are with, and what they are doing.  Predators pay attention to children whose parents aren’t paying attention.

6.       Discuss not sharing personal information with others, in person or over the Internet.  Children should not tell their full names and address to strangers.

7.       Always make a point to have the following discussion in front of your child and the babysitter before leaving a new sitter alone with your children for the first time:  “I know you will do great tonight and follow our family rules.  If anything happens while I’m gone that upsets you, we will talk about it first thing when I get home.”  

8.      Ask a child if they want to give a relative or friend a hug or kiss.  Do not force children to share their bodies with others, even those they love.  Help children know how to be safe, strong, & free!

Ann Sherman, Social Emotional Learning Instructor and Parenting Matters Coordinator at NES

ann@teensinc.org